Moments Fade to Memories
by 22Shay22
Summary: A series of one shots about different moments missed on screen so far or just random fun ideas. Some will be slightly AU, while others go along directly with episodes. Centered around Linstead, but the rest of the unit will be around too!
1. You gotta problem, Halstead?

This scene takes place directly after the ending of "Born Into Bad News"

There had been plenty of clues to let him know something was wrong. Olinsky had briefed the unit that morning, and the case they had been working seemed minuscule at best, all the unit was told to do this morning was reach out to few CI's and catch up on paperwork. Voight was nowhere to be found, his office door wide open, and there was no trace of him being in the office earlier that morning. Erin's desk was also empty.

The two of them had the timing down pretty perfectly. Usually a quick morning text was exchanged, followed by one of the pair receiving coffee for the other, and arriving a short time later with both cups in hand and a smile on their lips. The rest of the unit always gave them a wry grin, but they enjoyed getting the morning energy from something besides the black coffee that was constantly flowing in the break room, so they ignored it.

The past few weeks had been different since Nadia. She had been distant, and never wanted to talk to him about anything besides work. She showed up on her own time schedule, which annoyed Jay and infuriated Voight. This was way past her typical late though. Even for the past few weeks. It neared 11 am and there was still no sign of her. Jay pulled out his phone to check for any new messages while his heart thudded in his chest. It was irrational to be this worried, right? Just as he was about to send the quick _are you okay?_ message he had typed out to Erin, he heard the door to intelligence swing open.

The heads of all six members of the unit turn in unison to loud footsteps and a very pissed off Voight practically charging up the stairs and into his office, slamming the door roughly behind him.

"What the hell do you think that was?" Ruzek asks looking around the room.

Before anyone had the chance to respond, the door flew open once again and everyone jumps at the sudden reappearance of their sergeant "Halstead!" Voight's gravely voice barks into the room.

"Sir." Jay responds, immediately standing from his spot hunched on top of his desk.

"When was the last time you spoke to Erin?" he practically screams

"What?" Jay asked, clearly confused with the outburst

"I said, when was the last time you spoke to Erin? How long ago was it?" he shouts again, taking a step out of his office door toward Jay.

"Umm. I don't know? Briefly at her apartment after dealing with the Roland situation. Why, what happened? Is she alright?" Concern creeps into his confused voice as her searchers Voight's angry eyes as if he's trying to find any sort of clue into his current line of questioning.

"You haven't had any communication with her since then? Halstead, I swear if you're lying- "he takes one more step forward.

"What would I be lying about?"

Voight narrows his eyes at Jay, unspeaking, unmoving. His chest rising and falling at a fast, uneven beat. The whole unit watches for what feels like minutes in complete silence. Antonio rises from his desk to take a few steps closer to the two men, unsure of what is about to play out, but wanting to be ready to intervene if necessary. "Voight, is everything okay?"

As soon as he speaks the words, he knows they were the wrong ones to say.

Voight's eyes get tight, and his glare moves from the detective in front of him to the one across the room. "Okay? OKAY?" his voice fills the room and Jay unintentionally winces at the volume.

Voight's hand goes toward his back pocket, and for a quick second Jay is afraid he is about to see the wrong end of a gun pointed at his face. Instead, his hand pulls out a round leather object that Jay recognizes in a heartbeat as Erin's badge. His eyes grow cold as he squeezes the badge one last time before letting it fly across the bullpen. Mouse quickly ducks as it approaches the board on the far side of the room and hits it with a loud thud before crashing to the ground.

"Does that seem okay to you Antonio? Does that seem okay to any of you?" his voice is hoarse, and it roars through the room as he extends his hands out in a gesture to include all of them into the conversation.

No one dares to speak.

"No, no, no. Things are far, far from okay. They're about as far as they can get from okay." he spits out the words "This" his finger points out to Erin's empty desk "is not okay."

The air feels so thick, and everyone keeps their eyes fixed on their sergeant. Half hoping that he'll continue on to give some kind of explanation about what has just happened. Half expecting him to blow up even further.

It's only after a few moments of silence that a very calm, relaxed voice chimes in "Hank, what exactly happened?" Al says as he rises from his seat.

Voight looks over at his old friend and takes a long, deep breath. He stays silent for a few moments before gaining a little bit of composure. "She's done. She said she was done. At nine o'clock in the fucking morning I find her at a bar, three drinks in. So she's done. Bunny got her. And it's done." as he speaks, his voice changes to a soft whisper, nearly breaking at the end.

Al walks forward so he's in the center of the room with Voight, Jay, and Antonio. He searches his friend's eyes for some kind of clue as to what their move will be, but gives up, so he decides to just ask. "So what do we do?"

Voight's eyes harden once more as he looks at his former partner, his jaw visibly tightens "We do nothing. This is her choice. We have a job to do."

Antonio meets Al's eyes and he nods, but presses once more "Are you sure we shouldn't reach out? I don't know the full story, but I do know what type of person Bunny is and- "

"Let it go, Toni!" Voight spits out glaring back at Antonio. He looks at the detectives one last time before turning on his heels as an attempt to walk into his office.

"There's no way in hell that I'm letting this go." a voice snarls out, and for a second Voight doesn't recognize the power behind it. At then it hits him, and he turns back around and takes two steps forward in one single motion.

"You gotta problem, Halstead?" he barks and he inches closer.

Their eyes lock, neither intending to look away from the other, standing chest to chest in the crowded bullpen.

"Do you want to repeat yourself, Halstead?" he spits out once more

"Sure." Jay shrugs, felling the sudden sense of courage. "If Erin quit, fine. But leaving her to deal with all of this shit on her own is the worst idea I have ever heard. You know what she's been going through. You know how much this is hurting her. You know how vulnerable she is right now. Why in the fuck would we leave her to deal with it alone?" his tone is laced with hate and he practically growls, eyeing his sergeant up and down the whole time like he's disgusted with the idea.

Antonio quickly takes a step towards Voight to shove him backwards just as his hand reaches for Jays shirt. He takes a firm stance between the two as loud screams erupt out of their superior's mouth.

"Hey, hey. Hey!" Antonio tries to reason between the two. "We need to calm down" he states as he places a hand on Jay's broad chest as he moves towards Voight.

"Calm down? Toni, he's suggesting we just leave her with no one! Bunny? Bunny is the one feeding her all of these lies!" Jay screams

"You don't know half as much as you think you do. So I suggest you stick to making googly eyes at Erin from your desk instead of trying to get involved in personal family business!" Voight seethes as he tries to move past Antonio toward Jay. Al grabs onto his shoulder in an attempt to put some distance between the two.

"This IS my business." Jay shouts back. He inhales a deep breath, and slowly blows it out before he continues "and you know we need to do something to help her." he states calmer than anyone expected. Antonio removes his hand from Jay's chest, feeling him relax slightly. Looking back at Voight he sees his sergeant's eyes darken once again. The anger is evident as his chest rises and he shoves against Antonio's hand.

"I know?" a rough hollow laugh escapes his lips, and he snaps "You know what I know, Jay? I know that I told you from day one to keep it in your pants. I know that I told you that I, in no way shape or form, allow in house romances in this unit. I know that I watched as you deliberately disobeyed my orders!" he shoves Antonio out of the way with full force as he steps closer toward Jay "I know that I saw the two of you getting awfully cozy when you thought no one was looking. I know that I saw your car outside of Erin's apartment building as I pulled up one night to surprise her with dinner." his face was mere inches away from Jay's. Hands wrapped tight around bundled up wads of Jay's tshirt. His eyes search Jay's, daring him to say something, waiting for him to speak.

"Voight-" he says so quietly he wonders if he even said it at all. But it doesn't matter- that one word is enough of a trigger. Before he can even comprehend what is happening a fist hits the side of his jaw at full force with a loud crack, sending him tumbling backwards trying to find anything to grab ahold of. He lands flat on his back before his skull makes contact with the hard floor and can instantly feel the blood rushing to his head. He can't tell which injury hurts worse, but he is suddenly aware of every nerve in his body. The pulsing in his head and the ache in his jaw cause a deep grunt to escape from his lips.

"Oh shit!" Ruzek yells and rushes over with Mouse close behind.

Laying with his back against the cold tile, he tries to focus on what is going on around him. He thinks he makes out Al telling Voight he needs to cool off, and the sound of the office door being slammed shut. He sees Mouse lean down next to him, and meets eyes with Antonio who seems to be standing directly above him.

His head is ringing, and he can barley focus on them, but he knows that Mouse just asked him a question. His lips are still moving, so maybe he still is asking a question? He tries to focus in on what his friend is saying "-doesn't look broken, lets get you into the break room for some ice, yeah?"

He nods in response. Antonio reaches out his hand, and Jay grabs ahold of it firmly and very slowly stands to make his way into the other room.

Ruzek chuckles to himself as he pulls a bag of ice out of the freezer "and that, my friends, is exactly why we don't sleep with the boss's daughter!" he laughs as he hands the bag over to Jay whose seated at the table in the middle of the small room glaring up at him.

"Shut up, Ruzek." Antonio manages before turning his attention to Jay. "Dude, seriously are you okay?"

"I'm fine." he says, wincing at the excruciating pain in his jaw as soon as he speaks. "My head's definitely ringing. Do we have any ibuprofen around here?"

Mouse turns to his friend "The whole left side of your face is purple, your boss just laid you flat on your ass in the middle of the bullpen, and you're worried about the ringing in your head?" he smirks as he gets up to grab his friend some medicine.

"If you knew how bad my head hurt right now you wouldn't be laughing at me." he said as a ghost of smile appeared on his lips.

"Seriously man, what the hell were you thinking in there? Going at it with Voight like that? You had to know that wasn't about to end well for you." Ruzek piped in again, sitting down across from Jay.

Jay shrugs and sets the ice pack down on the table, focusing his attention on the melting ice inside the bag. "It was just so casual; you know? At first he was so angry, and then that was that" he snaps his fingers as if to prove a point "he's just ready to give up before we even started fighting." his eyes fill with tears and he quickly pushes them back down, unwilling to let his emotions get to him.

"Yeah, but Jay, he knows her-" Antonio starts

"You don't think I know her?" Jay shouts back, ice laced in every word. His eyes meet Antonio's harshly.

"That's not what I was saying." he sighs. He has a feeling that as long as Erin is out of this unit and off with Bunny, Jay and Voight are going to be two very unhappy people to deal with. "I mean; he's been through this with her before. Maybe he has some insight on how to deal? That's all I meant."

"That's not good enough! Insight on how to deal? This isn't something you can just brush to the side and deal with when you think its convenient. This is Erin we're talking about!" he slams his hand onto the table and instantly regrets it as his headache deepens. He rubs his temple as he tries to calm his shaking body.

"Jay, man. Erin's tough. You know that. She'll be alright." Mouse pats Jay on the back as he returns with a glass of water and hands Jay three small pills.

"And what if she's not? What then?" his voice cracks the end, and he's unable to meet the eyes of the men sitting around him. He rolls the pills in his had and thinks back to a time a few short months ago when things seemed so perfect. Long cases and days at work being overshadowed by even longer nights in bed with Erin Lindsay. Early mornings where he feigned annoyance at her taking too long in the shower, only for him to always end up under the warm water with her. Short coffee breaks, extended eye contact, innocent touches, deep chuckles. He missed her so damn much already.

"She will be." Ruzek says without missing a beat. Before today, he only had suspicions about any kind of an out-of-work relationship between the two detectives, but as he sat here staring at his friend, one thing was very obvious- Jay cared about Erin. He cared about her a lot.

Jay looked up then. Maybe it was the fact that Ruzek was the one who'd said it. Maybe it was the fact that his voice lacked any of the signature Adam Ruzek humor, and was completely sincere. But for some reason, Jay believed what he had just said. He looked at his friend and nodded.

"So, what's your plan here Halstead?" Antonio wondered out loud, knowing damn well Jay wasn't going to let this go.

"I go talk to her" he says like it was the most obvious answer in the world.

Antonio sighs loudly, squeezing the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb "Voight already tried that, it didn't go so well. You don't want to push her away any further."

"Yeah, well, I'm not Voight." he shrugged and placed the ice pack back against his face.

"You think she'll want to see you?" Mouse asks as Jay turned to give him a death glare.

"Why wouldn't she want to see me? I'm her partner, I'm her best friend. She knows that I've always got her back."

Ruzek lets out a quick snigger. "Maybe that's all the more reason she wont" the table turns to face him immediately with questionable expressions "What? If you were trying to drink your problems away and forget about being happy, would you want someone who clearly makes you joyful showing up to have a chat?" he shrugs.

"He's got a point." Mouse nodded.

"I don't care." Jay says and slams the ice pack down, quickly rising from his seat. "Tell Voight…actually tell him whatever the hell you want to tell him. I'm going to find Erin."

And with that, Jay turns out of the break room, and walks straight past the opening door to Voight's office and down the stairs of intelligence.

* * *

 **A/N: Hey guys! So this is my first attempt at doing anything like this. But with the semester ending pretty soon, and the fall finale, I was feeling ambitious! I'm hoping to make this into a bunch of 'unseen moments' that we all wish would have played out, some slightly AU, others will just be fun ideas. I have a bunch of stuff half written so hopefully I can finally get it out! We 'll see how it goes. I promise they are centered around Linstead, I just had this idea and really enjoyed writing it, sorry for the lack of Erin! Please review!**


	2. Stay with me

This scene comes out of the episode 3x08, "Forget My Name". It's one of those 'what could have happened' type of things, hope you like it!

* * *

"Gun!" Jay screams from the opposite side of the truck as Erin makes her way back to the patrol car, unaware of the metal object pointed at her back.

At the sudden terrified screech from her partner's lips, Erin quickly turns her body back toward the truck just in time to see a gun pointed directly at her. Before she can register what is happening, loud shots are irrupting all around her from different directions and her back hits the pavement, hard.

Jay runs toward Perez shooting multiple bullets in unison. He continues the rapid fire until the young man is on the pavement, unmoving, before turning his attention toward Erin laying on the ground. "Erin!" he screams out as he sprints toward his fallen partner.

Burgess and Roman stand in shock for a few quick moments before registering the sight in front them. Roman takes off to check out the wounded suspect on the ground, placing two fingers against his neck to check for any sign of a pulse.

"5021 Emergency. Shot's fired by the police. We're gonna need an ambo rolled out to 2211 South Landpark." Kim stutters into her radio.

Erin's hand immediately flies out to grab the back of her head at the sharp pain that has just hit her from landing against the hard concrete. She inhales a deep breath, rubs the back of her head roughly, and pushes off the pavement to stand up. The movement makes her feel like a thousand tiny needles are piercing into her body and she grunts at the discomfort. Her body feels heavy and like it's stuck to the ground.

Jay rushes to her side and his eyes widen as he takes in her appearance. "Oh, no, no, no." Panic sets in as he quickly kneels down beside her.

Immediately he notices the dark crimson liquid spilling from her abdomen and onto the pavement. "Oh shit, Erin, no!" Jay's breath quickens and his shaky hands reach toward her body "Burgess, we need an ambo here, NOW!"

Kim's eyes leave the suspect in front of her as she hears the fear in Halstead's voice. She walks the few short feet to where she saw Erin fall over from what she assumed was her ducking for cover. Quickly, she realizes that something is very wrong. "Oh my god." her hand reaches up to cover her mouth as she takes in the small puddle of blood that is circulating around Erin's body on the concrete. Grabbing onto her radio she whispers "Dispatch, what's the location on that ambo?"

"About seven minutes out."

"We're gonna need a rush on that. We have an officer down. Gunshot wound to the lower abdomen." Burgess states as calmly as she can, as Roman joins her side. Looking down at the scene in front of him, he eyes Kim. "I'm…um...going to call Voight." she nods back at him, but doesn't take her eyes off of the two detectives in front of her.

"Shit Erin. No, no, no." Jay's hands move at a rapid pace as he rips open her bullet proof vest and tries to asses the entrance of the bullet through her blood stained shirt. Erin's wide eyes stare at his glassy ones as she attempts to reach out for his hands. The pain in her stomach is like nothing she's ever felt before and her breaths are coming out in deep, hurried, uneven patterns. She reaches out and places a hand on her stomach and pulls back immediately when she feels the warm liquid. Looking down at her hand, her eyes widen at the large amount of blood that she finds. Her blood. She tries to focus on Jay's eyes to take her mind off it. His face. His freckles. The small scruff on his chin.

"Oh my god." Jay's breath hitches as realization sets in that the deep red liquid is seeping out of not one, but two places on Erin's abdomen. The first bullet seems to have caught right underneath her bullet proof vest in the middle of her stomach, the second hit the far left side of her abdomen. "Oh my god, Erin."

Jay quickly applies pressure to both areas and Erin lets out a loud, sharp scream at the sudden weight on her pained stomach. "Jay, stop!" she pleads.

"I know, I'm sorry, Er. I'm sorry." his shaky hands press down harder as he feels the crimson liquid oozing in between his fingers. His eyes well with tears and he tries to push them back down and swallow the large lump forming in his throat. He needs to focus on Erin right now.

"How far out is that ambo?" Jay screams back at Burgess and Roman. He is fully aware that it has only been a few minutes since they stopped the truck and this whole mess started, but it feels like time is moving a thousand times slower, and he can tell Erin is losing consciousness quickly.

"About four minutes out" Kim replies, moving closer to Jay "Voight is just around the corner." She looks down at Erin once more and notes the large, growing heap of blood.

Everything seems to be fuzzy. The blue sky looks dull and the clouds hang in big black sheets above her head. She tries to concentration on Jay's voice, but it feels like she has cotton in her ears and she can't focus on anything. She stares into his deep blue eyes and takes note of the unshed tears filling them. Gently, she reaches out and places a shaky bloodstained hand on his cheek. "Jay."

His frantic eyes leave her stomach and meet hers. "Er." he sounds so lost and afraid

"Hey." she swallows hard and tries to find her voice. "Hey, 'ts ok." a slight smile edges on her lips and she rubs the side of his face and sweeps her thumb gently across his lips.

A small sob leaves Jay's mouth as tears roll down his face and he presses harder down on her stomach. He shakes his head, but plants a smile on his face as well. "Of course it's okay." he bites the corner of his lip and tries to find some composure before continuing, "Erin, you're going to be fine, okay? Promise me. Just hold on and focus on me. Promise me you'll stay awake. Can you keep your eyes on me?"

She swallows jaggedly as takes in another sharp breath before coughing roughly. "Won't be hard to do." she laughs hoarsely before coughing again. The pain in her stomach was starting to become unbearable. It felt as though the bullets were ripping her apart from the inside out. She coughs once again, and tastes a small amount of iron in her mouth.

"Someone better tell me what the hell happened right now!" a gravely voice shoots from behind them.

Burgess and Roman turn to watch as two cars pull up and Voight exits from a quickly stopping SUV. He is running to meet them with Antonio, Al and Ruzek close behind.

"I…I don't know." Burgess manages "She was walking back toward the car, and it all happened so fast. He pulled a gun. Before we even saw it, Halstead was screaming and shooting at him. Somehow it was too late." the last part is barley above a whisper and her eyes shoot over to look down at the two detectives on the ground a few feet in front of her. With the amount of blood that is surrounding the two of them, she is surprised to see that Erin's eyes are still focused on Jay as he applies pressure to her abdomen.

Hank's eyes go wide and he takes a step away from the group toward Erin, but he stops short as he watches the exchange between his two detectives.

"You just gotta stay with me okay? Please stay with me." Jay's voice is shaky as he scans Erin's face. Her eyes are still open, but she isn't looking up at him anymore. Her hand falls from the side of his face and rests at her side. All of a sudden her body feels heavy, and she has the sudden urge to close her eyes, just to rest for a few seconds. Jay notes her eyes flutter and panics, "Hey, Er! You promised me you'd stay awake." Jay screams down at her.

At the sound of his voice, Erin's eyes enlarge. She looks back up at his face and sees the steady stream of tears flow down his cheeks. She swallows roughly and slowly reaches her hand up once again. It feels like dead weight against her body, but she needs to touch him, to feel him, to make sure that he knows that she's still with him. She grabs a hold of his face and wipes a tear from his cheek. "Ssst'p cry'in." she hoarsely whispers.

"Erin…"

She smiles up at him, but can only see the horror in his face. It's then that she notices that the overwhelming pain from her stomach is no longer there and she begins to panic- she can't even feel his hands pressed into her side anymore. Her breath quickens, and she coughs harshly, tasting blood. She watched as Jay helplessly tries to stop the endless bleeding coming from her abdomen. "Jay."

The power behind her voice catches his attention and his eyes meet hers.

"Jay." Hot tears stream down her cheeks as she notes the blood in her mouth.

He shakes his head and watches her intently, tears spilling down from his face. "Don't you dare."

"Jay" she coughs out once again

"You promised." his words are shaky and barley about a whisper

She rubs her hand through his scruff and smiles, blood staining her teeth. Inhaling sharply, she tries to catch her breath, but it feels lost in her lungs. Her breaths increase, and she tries to get out her words as quickly as possible "Jay, I…love...you." they're so quiet, they barley escape her lips at all, but Jay doesn't miss them. Neither do any of the members of the unit that have now gathered around them.

"Erin!" Jay screams back just as her hand falls from his face. Her eyes fall closed heavily and she tries to focus on her promise to stay with him, but breathing becomes harder, and her breaths quickly become less and less frequent until they are barley there at all. "No, no, no, no, NO!" Jay's hands fly up to her heart and he rapidly starts chest compressions, tears streaming down his face.

Off in the distance the sound of sirens can be heard and Antonio quickly steps forward to grab onto Jay's arm to pull him away, but he stays locked in place. Al grabs onto his other arm and both men attempt to pull him off, but he stays, unmoving. "Jay, Jay! Let Roman take over." Antonio yells as he pulls against Jay's arm.

"Halstead! You need to let Roman take over." Voight yells sternly, gaining the young detectives attention just enough to let Al and Antonio pull him off of Erin. Immediately Roman steps in and begins chest compression on her small frame.

Instantly, Jay's body becomes limp and Antonio has to grab a hold of him to keep him from falling over. He sinks back against the older detective, and he slowly eases him down to the ground. Trembling breaths escape his lips as silent tears roll down his cheeks, his eyes never leaving Erin's body laying against the concrete. Antonio reaches out and pats Jay's back, squeezing his shoulder for support.

The unit stands as Roman continues chest compressions, all unmoving, unsure of what to do next. The ambulance quickly pulls up beside them as Chili and Brett rush over to the scene "Alright what do we got?" Brett asks calmly

For a moment no one speaks, all in too much shock to register that Erin needs to escorted to the hospital. After a few short seconds Ruzek shakily replies "GSW lower abdomen. Two points of entry. Neither of them has an exit that I'm aware of."

Brett and Chili give each other a quick glance before taking off toward Erin with the gurney. "All right I'm gonna need everyone to clear out of the way. We need to get her to Chicago Med as soon as possible." Chili yells through the group of people.

The two women quickly check Erin's vitals, and set her up in the back of the ambo. Voight and Ruzek stand next to the ladies quickly figuring out the plan of action. "Like I said, we're taking her to Chicago Med, they'll take over from there." Brett says with a sad smile on her lips.

"Halstead!" Voight gravels out looking over to the detective still seated on the ground, staring at the puddle of blood in front of him where Erin was just laying unconscious a few short moments ago.

Jay stands quickly and turns to face Voight "Sarge."

Hank points towards the back of the ambulance as Bret and Chili make their way inside "Go with Erin, we'll meet you at Med."

"Sir? You sure you don't-"

"Halstead! Now!" Hank barks back before quickly getting into his SUV followed by Antonio, and speeding off toward the hospital.

The ride to Chicago med is a blur. Jay's hand grips tightly around Erin's unmoving one "Er, you gotta hold on, okay? Please. Hold on. Please. Just Hold on." He repeats over and over again as his eyes frantically search her face for any sign that she's listening. Chili works silently around him to insure Erin ready as soon as the arrive at the hospital. He never takes his eyes off of her face as silent tears stream down his cheeks.

As soon as the ambulance stops in front of the emergency room, Brett and Chili rush the gurney toward the automatic doors with Jay following beside.

"What do we have here?" Dr. Connor Rhodes asks calmly stepping towards them.

"GSW to the lower abdomen. Two points of entry, eternal bleeding"

"Alright, I've got it from here." Dr. Rhodes replies as a team of nurse's lift Erin onto a hospital bed and start wheeling her back to the doors for emergency surgery. Jay quickly starts walking back towards the doors to follow Erin before Nurse Sexton turns around and holds her hand up to Jay with sad eyes "Jay, you know you have to wait back here."

"I'm not leaving here." he says firmly

"And I'm not giving you an option." Rhodes states before turning through the double doors to follow the team of nurses, leaving Jay standing in the crowded Emergency Room alone.

"Jay?"

"Jay? Are you okay?" Will's eyes go wide as he takes in his brother's appearance. Blood covers the front of his uniform and is caked into both of his hands. A bloody handprint is smeared across his face and down his chin. Tear marks are etched into the blood covering his face. His eyes are wide and glossed over, rimed red; he looks as though he's a million miles away. He doesn't even notice Will's presence.

"Jay? Jay, What the hell happened?" Will grabs a hold of Jay's shoulder, shaking him lightly, and pulls his body so his brother is looking directly at him. Their eyes meet and Jay immediately swallows and lets out a breath he's been holding in since Erin got shot. And as soon as he lets out that breath, he loses it. "Erin." He crumbles into Will's arms as soon as he speaks the word and lets out all of the emotions that have been running through his body. Shaking, his body convulses and he sobs.

Will holds onto his brother tightly as Jay replays the events of the last twenty minutes over and over in his head. Had this all really just happened? Was Erin really just shot in front of him? She had to be okay, she promised him she would be. His sobs grew stronger as realization hit him- he was the one who broke his promise, he didn't have her back. This was all his fault. His grip tightens on Will's shirt as if it's his lifeline. Now all he can do is wait. Wait to find out an update on his partner's condition. Wait to find out if his best friend will make it through surgery. Wait to find out if the women he is in love with will live through the night.

* * *

 **A/N: Hey guys! So I saw on tumblr that someone wanted a fanfic about Erin getting shot in this episode and I thought it would be cool, but had no intention of doing it. And like always, as I was in the middle of trying to study, this was all I could think about. So I hope you all liked it! Please review!**


	3. I'm not going anywhere

This one happens a little bit down the road...

* * *

Jay had planned on having a quiet night at Erin's with a pizza, a few movies, and some beers. But the guys quickly made that dream disappear when they all but dragged him out of the precinct and towards Ruzek's truck. On their way out of the 21st, Adam had gone on and on about a bar he had found a few blocks away from the district. It was a little hole-in-the-wall type of place, but he said it was nice to occasionally get away from the dotting eyes of all of their coworkers and friends at Molly's. At the look of excitement on Atwater and Ruzek's faces, Jay reluctantly agreed to spend the night with his two old friends. He pulled out his phone and sent a quick text to Erin to let her know the change of plans.

They pulled up to the small pub within a few minutes and Jay followed Adam and Kevin inside. He pulled out his phone as he felt the vibration in his coat and read the quick message that popped on the screen:

 _'No problem. Swing by my place afterwards if you're up for it'_

The corner of his mouth turned up into a slight grin as he began to type up a short reply.

"She got our boy so whipped, he had to ask permission to come out tonight." Atwater chuckled as he held three fingers out to the bartender in front of them, eyeing Halstead.

"First of all, I didn't have to ask permission." Jay glared over at Atwater, putting his phone back in his jacket pocket. "I just wanted to make sure Erin and I didn't already have plans for tonight, since you kidnapped me."

Atwater and Ruzek gave each other a knowing smile as Jay continued, "Second, I am _not_ whipped." he stated matter-of-factly.

Ruzek shook his head while snickering, "Jay, you've been whipped for like two years, bud. At least now you're gettin' some out of it."

Jay frowns as he takes the shot from Atwater and looked down at it, "You two planning on getting me plastered tonight?"

"It's been forever since the three of us went out together! Let's just have a good time and relax. No work. No chicks. No stress." Ruzek exclaims, holding up his glass for a toast.

"I hear that!" Atwater laughs as the three clinked their glasses together and downed the first shot.

Three shots later, the men found themselves deep in conversation at a small table off to the side of the bar. Slowly nursing their beers, they joked between one another about Ruzek's engagement, Halstead's failed attempt at a hidden work relationship from Voight, and Atwater's new affiliation with James Whitaker.

"Alright, next round's on me." Atwater exclaimed as he slammed his empty bottle onto the table, beginning to make his way the short distance to the bar. Ruzek and Jay nodded a response before continuing a conversation about the Blackhawks latest victory.

With three shots in one hand and three beers in the other, Atwater quickly turned from the bar, attempting not to drop anything. His body slams harshly into another figure and he grunts as whiskey spills over the rim of the glasses and onto his shirt.

Kevin frowns up from his slightly dampened shirt at the man standing in front of him, "Sorry dawg, didn't see you there." His eyes scan the red rimmed ones staring back at him, and he sighs as he realizes that he's seen this guy before.

"Hey, I know you. You're…you're that cop, right? The one from Erin's apartment?"

Jay turns his head, the mention of his girlfriend's name pulling him away from the conversation with Adam. Just in front of Kevin with a bottle in one hand, and red- rimmed, glassy, bloodshot eyes, stood Landon.

"How's she been? She hasn't been around the bar for a while now." He shrugs, taking a long swig from his beer.

Jay glared over at Landon and stands from his stool, gaining Ruzek's attention. Atwater stutters and tries to quickly end the conversation noting Jay walking toward them, "Uhh. She's good, bro. Real good. Um, nice seeing you." he turned to walk past Landon before a hand reaches out and grabbed ahold of him firmly.

"Wait a second-" Landon's bloodshot eyes tried to focus on Atwater's face. "She just kinda took off one night, left me hangin'. What's a guy gotta do to get some info on his girl?"

"Why don't you back off before I bust your ass?" Jay shot back as he pushed past Atwater to stand directly in front of Landon.

"What the hell is your problem, man?" Landon glared as he tilted his head back and gulped down another large portion of his drink.

Jay chuckled lightly, "I don't have a problem. You on the other hand, you are gonna have a huge problem if you don't just walk away right now."

Ruzek put a light hand on Halstead's shoulder to try to calm his friend, "Jay man, let's just go."

Landon stared at Jay for a moment before his eyes widened, "Jay?" he scans Halstead's face, "You were there too. That night at the apartment, right? When I nearly died!"

"I think you're over exaggerating there a bit, buddy" Ruzek snickered from beside Jay.

"No, no, you were totally there! Man, that shit was crazy! Damn though, for real, how is Erin? That girl is just…mmm…"

Jay glared and took another step toward Landon, "Why don't you just back off, ok?"

Landon scoffed and then smiled widely as realization hit, "Oh. I get it, man. You two a thing or something?"

Landon quickly gazed over at Ruzek before turning his attention back to Jay. He smiled as he noticed Jay's body tensing up. "She mentioned you a few times when the two of us would hangout. Always this 'Jay' guy who she used to do stuff with, her partner or something? I don't know, it wasn't important. Guess I finally get to connect the face and the name." he shrugged, taking another swig from his beer.

Jay laughed harshly, "That's really funny, 'cause she never mentioned you."

Landon stared back at Jay and grinned, putting his hand up in defense, "Whoa, man. No need to get your panties in a bunch. We've all been there before. Erin Lindsay's never been too hard to crack, if ya know what I mean." He turned to Atwater and winked proudly before facing back to Jay.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Jay closed the distance between the two of them and gripped onto the front of Landon's shirt tightly.

Landon looked down at Jay's hands and smirked, his eyes rose as he giggled up at Halstead "Dude, chill out. We are talkin' about the same Erin Lindsay here, right? I mean, she's definitely a good time, but nothing to get worked up over."

Jay's grip tightened as he pulled Landon inches away from his face. Ruzek's eyes widen as he glances over to Atwater and the two take a silent step toward the pair, preparing to break up whatever happens next.

"Listen here, you son-of-a-bitch." Jay's eyes darkened as he focused down on Landon. "Taking advantage of someone clearly grieving and not in their right mind is not 'a good time.' I don't care what you and Erin used to have, that's been over for a long time. You hear me?"

Landon chuckled and sets his red-rimmed eyes on Jay. "Oh. I get it! You're pissed 'cause she took off. Left you to come hang with us for a while." His smile grew and he shook his head, "You listen here- Erin? She may have been 'grieving', but that was her choice. When the going get's tough, she gets going. And she'll be back soon enough. And I'll be waiting." He beamed, wiggling his eyebrows.

Ruzek glared over and tried to pull Jay back from Landon, "There's no need to be a dick, why don't you just walk away now?"

Landon chuckled again. "What can I say?" He stared directly into Jay's fuming eyes, "I got what the girl needs."

Jay unclenched Landon's shirt and curled his hand into a tight ball. He sent his fist flying into Landon's stomach and watched as the man crumpled over in pain. Reaching his hand back once again, Jay attempted to send another blow to the side of Landon's jaw before Atwater reached out and quickly pulled him back. He fought against Kevin's arms, but let Atwater put some distance between the two.

"Hey, take it outside, now!" The bartender yelled over at the group as Jay glared back at Landon's laughing form.

"Jay, let's gets outta here." Ruzek calmly interjected as he stared down at Landon questioningly.

The three made it halfway to the door before Landon's voice brought Jay to a dead stop, "Tell Erin that Bunny says hi."

Jay turned instantly to see Landon standing a few feet away, grinning from ear to ear. Ruzek reached out to grab Halstead, but not quickly enough as he briskly walked the few feet to stand toe to toe with Landon once again.

"Bunny? You're kidding, right?" Jay laughed, humorlessly.

Landon smiled innocently back at Jay, "What do you mean? The two of them are a blast together! Constantly trying to one-up each other, drinking buddies, real close, real good time. Besides, she misses Erin." he mocked.

The two stare at each other, unmoving and Jay clenched his jaw before speaking, "That's pathetic and if you think for one second-"

"Hey! I said take it outside, now! I'm not going to tell you again." The bartender screamed over to them as he signaled to the door.

"C'mon, bro. Let's go." Atwater grabbed ahold of Jay's arm, half dragging him toward the door. Jay let the larger man lead him away, trying to calm himself down in the process.

Crashing through the front door of the bar, Jay let out a loud grunt and kicked a stray beer bottle across the ground before pacing back and forth along the sidewalk outside. His eyes shot back up at the noise of the bar door opening again, only to find Landon walking through them and toward him quickly.

"They're like two peas in a pod, you know? Her and Bunny. They have the same attitude, so they're constantly at each others throats. Bitchin' the other one out. But as soon as she needs a fix, she'll be crawling back." Landon chuckled, a smirk playing across his lips. "She always does."

And with that, Halstead snapped.

Before anyone could process what was happening, Jay took two large steps forward and balled up his fist before quickly popping Landon in the nose, sending him stumbling slightly backward. Landon chuckled as his bloodshot eyes glistened up at the detective and he reached forward and grabbed ahold of Jay's shirt tightly. Jay pushed Landon's body down roughly and his knee quickly made contact with a few of Landon's ribs. He crumpled down in pain and Jay jumped on top of him. He started laying punches on Landon's face as the intoxicated man attempted to try to block the path with his hands.

"Jay, stop! C'mon man, stop!" Ruzek screamed as he reached down to pull Jay off. Halstead easily shrugged Adam away and continued to send blow after blow to Landon's face. Finally, two men pull a seething Halstead off of Landon.

Landon lay on the ground, blood dripping from his right eyebrow and the side of his face. His nose already blackened, clearly broken from the encounter. He began to chuckle, and within seconds was laughing uncontrollably while staring up at the fuming man. "You're just pissed 'cause you know I'm right, man." he smiled through bloody teeth as he attempted to stand, "Tell Erin to give me a call when she's done with you. That girl's always a good time." he winked back at Jay.

Jay lunged forward again, and Atwater grabbed ahold of him tightly, practically picking him up, to keep him from going after the inebriated idiot once again. He started walking, dragging Jay with him, down the sidewalk and away from the bar.

"Dude, just learn when to shut the hell up, huh?" Ruzek glared back and shook his head bitterly before turning to follow them.

"I'm right! You all know it! I'm right about it, and that's what pisses you off the most!" Landon began chanting outside of the bar, but luckily didn't dare to follow the group down the side of the street.

* * *

Erin smiled up as she heard the key turn in the bolt to the front door. The night had dragged on for what felt like forever, and she was seriously about to die if she had to sit through another re-run of the office. She got off the couch quickly and began making her way toward the opening door to greet her boyfriend. Her smile quickly disappeared as Jay slammed the door shut roughly behind him and walked straight past her and into the kitchen without a word.

Erin frowned and slowly walked toward Jay. She watches him as he makes his way to her fridge and briskly pulls it open. "Are you alright?"

Jay chuckles harshly as he peers into the shelf of the opened fridge. Erin watches him as silence creeps up around them. She takes a step toward him, waiting for Jay to turn around. But he doesn't. The sound of bottles being rummaged through is the only noise in the apartment, and Erin stares at Jay's back, noting his tense shoulders.

"Hey, what's going on?"

Jay grabs a beer from the back of the fridge before slamming the door closed. He lets out a large sigh and slowly turns to face Erin "Nothing." he spits out, taking a large swig of the beer.

Erin frowns and searches Jay's cold eyes. "Jay. Seriously, what's wrong?"

Jay's eyes harden and he removes the bottle from his lips. "It's nothing, Erin." He growls, attempting to walk around her and out of the small kitchen.

Erin hold out her hand to stop him, and shakes her head, "Clearly something I've done has pissed you off." Jay rolls his eyes, and she glares back at him, "Although I'm not quite sure what I could have done because you were fine when you left work a few hours ago and now you're being a complete ass-"

"You're damn right I'm being an ass!" Jay shouted back, slamming his beer down on the counter beside him, fingers still tightly gripped onto the bottle.

Erin glares down at the bottle before focusing in on Jay's hand. Her eyes widened at the sight of his bruised and cut open knuckles. She reached her hand out to grab his and brings it close to her face, further examining the wound, "Did you…did you get into a fight with someone?"

Jay laughed bitterly and pulls his hand away, looking down at the floor "Nice detective work there, Lindsay."

Erin sighs, and she reaches between them, putting a gentle hand on the side of his chin. Cupping the side of his face, she tilts his head so their eyes meet, "Jay, would you please just tell me what happened."

Inhaling a deep breath, Jay debates what to do for a quick moment before he exhales and looks into his partner's deep hazel eyes. He slowly steps back from her embrace and picks up his beer once again, taking another swig. He let the liquid turn warm before it slides down his throat. Swallowing, he looks back to meet Erin's waiting eyes, "I ran into Landon tonight."

Erin's face scrunches up as her brows furrow. "Huh?"

Jay tilts his head to the side and laughs harshly, "Landon. Your ex-whatever-the-hell he is. Recent party buddy. Drug dealer. LANDON!"

"Oh." Erin manages after a few quiet seconds

"Yeah, 'oh'! We chatted, had a few beers, some laughs. It was a great time!" he retorts bitterly

Erin's eyes search Jay's and she looks at him, pleadingly. "Jay…what happened?"

He glares back at her "Just what I said happened. I ran into Landon. We had a quick chat. He seems to think really highly of you, Erin. Doesn't know when to stop talking, so I helped him figure it out." he shrugged.

Erin frowns and takes a step toward Jay, "What happened?"

"I don't know what you want me to say here, Erin! That guy's a jackass." he yells

"Yeah, I'm not disagreeing with you there. But that doesn't explain why you're pissed at me."

Jay glares back at Erin, and sucks in a deep breath, stalling time as he decides his next move. Does he want to get into this? Bring up the past? After months of her being sober, does he really want to have an argument with Erin about Landon of all people? Things had been so good between them in the short couple of months they'd been back together, maybe it was best to just let this go and deal with it on his own. Whatever Landon had said, he was just being a jerk, right?

Jay blows out a long breath, "I'm not pissed at you." he replies calmly

Erin nods, but doesn't believe a word Jay said, "Jay. You have to be honest with me here. I know you're pissed. Just tell me why."

"Never mind, just drop it, Erin" Jay retorts harshly

Erin crosses her arms and glares back at him, "I'm not going to drop it! Let me know why seeing Landon made you so mad at me."

"A few months ago you and Landon seemed real close, Erin! You two partied together and he sure as hell doesn't have a problem running his mouth about you!" he screamed

Erin's eyes widen, "So? What does that have to do with anything? Like you said, Landon's a jackass!"

Jay laughs bitterly as he recalled Landon's words, "Yeah, well apparently you always go crawling back anyways."

"And what the hell does that mean?" she scoffs

"How am I supposed to know that if something else happens you won't go straight back to them again? You won't start using and get mixed up with it all over again? I can't watch you do that yourself more than once, Erin!" Jay screamed back at her

"That's what this is about?" She yells back at him, but her voice breaks at the end, feeling the tears well up in her eyes.

Jay sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger "Er-"

"You think that if something happens, I'll just run off the deep end?" she frowns. After everything that happened, she thought Jay trusted her. Obviously, she had made mistakes and done a lot of stupid things, but Erin thought that her and Jay were finally past it and in a good place.

"Jay, what I did was stupid and self-destructive. It was dangerous and I was being irrational. I know what I did hurt everyone a lot, especially you and Hank, and I'm so sorry. I won't do that again." Erin's glossy eyes look up to meet Jay's, "But if this is going to work, you have to trust me-"

"Erin, of course I trust you." Jay says, all previous anger void from his voice. He takes a step forward, meeting Erin in the middle of the small kitchen. "I'm just worried. I don't want to lose you. Not again."

"You're not going to." Erin states and watches as the corner of Jay's mouth twitched up into a ghost of a smile. Erin smiles lightly back as she looks into Jay's deep blue eyes, "Jay, I'm not going anywhere."

Before he has the chance to respond, Erin closes the distance between the two of them. Placing her lips lightly against his, she feels Jay freeze for a slight second before he melts into her. Slowly, he reaches his hand up and cups the side of her cheek, his thumb resting on her cheekbone before gripping onto her jaw to deepen the kiss. Erin smiles warmly, and opens her mouth slightly, allowing him better access. Quickly, the kiss intensifies and Jay runs his hands down Erin's back to rest on the exposed skin beneath her tank top, slowly sliding the material up a few inches. She moans slightly at the touch before abruptly pulling away from his lips. Giving her a confused look, Jay's brows scrunch together as he searches her eyes carefully.

Erin let's out a deep laugh before she wraps her arms tightly around Jay's stomach and leans her head into his chest, listening intently at the intense thudding of his heart against her cheek. "This is where I want to be."

Jay chuckles before slipping his arms around Erin and running his fingers lightly across her shoulders. He sends a small kiss into her hair and smiles widely. "This is where I want to be, too."

* * *

 **A/N: Hey all! I had a lot of fun with this one! I'm always a fan of pissed off Jay, and I love all the things I've seen with Landon in them, so I gave it a try. Please review!**


	4. Erin, this is seriously disgusting

This scene takes place somewhere between 3x04 "Debts of the Past" and 3x05 "Climbing Into Bed".

* * *

Their glasses clink together before Erin tips hers back, letting the deep amber liquid trail down her throat, enjoying the cool burning sensation. She smiles and looks across the table at Jay as he picks up his beer and takes another swig. He looks relaxed as he gulps down the remainder of it in silence.

Shaking the bottle lightly, he looks up to meet her watching eyes and smirks lightly, "You want one? I'm about to go grab another."

"Uhh… no, no that's fine. Can you maybe grab me a coke though?" she smiles up at him trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. Having one shot with Jay as a celebration seemed fitting, but sitting here having a few beers? That seemed like dangerous territory still. She figured it was better to ease back into the casual drinking scene.

Jay seemed to automatically catch her discomfort and returned her smile, lightly taping the table as he stood "one coke coming up!" he states as he raises his fist high and made his way through the small crowd to the bar. Erin can't help but to chuckle at how much of a nerd could be despite his brash outward appearance.

In the short couple of months that she had been back, things had been weird between them. Erin knew that. They both tried to play it off, and the occasional jokes were still shared between the two. But everything felt off, at times it even felt forced. The only thing that had been normal was work. From the moment she got back, Jay had told her in no uncertain terms that he had her back. And he kept that promise, like he always did. It made walking into the bullpen everyday that first week one hundred times easier- just knowing he was there for her when she needed him.

Erin laughed lightly to herself as she remembered the look on his face as she approached his desk after the case at work earlier in the day. Looking down at him, she smiled at his slightly shocked expression and simply said that they were going to Molly's to hangout, like old times. His eyes widened and his mouth opened and closed as if he was unsure about what to say. But within seconds he stood up, grabbed his coat, and let her lead him out of the bullpen.

The first hour at the bar had been pretty uneventful. Of course they talked. But mostly about work, Antonio's gym, Erin's stay with Voight, and Will's adjustment back to Chicago. Although they weren't the ideal topics, Erin was grateful that Jay still wanted to spend time together outside of work.

After spending nearly three hours catching up, the two became more of the old Erin and Jay. They joked back and forth, laughing, and mocking one another. It felt good to be around him. He knew her so well, and it made Erin happy to know that he was there for her after everything she put him through. She was grateful to have him back into her life, and promised herself to never take that for granted again. No matter what. Erin had missed him so much. Even with everything going on after Nadia's death, even after leaving the unit. She missed being around him more than anything. She missed spending time working on cases with him. She missed their chats in the 300. Everything about Jay was so familiar- his laugh, his voice, his cocky personality, his muscular frame, his calloused touch dancing against her skin, his soft lips against hers, his roaming hands…

A snapping noise quickly brings Erin back to reality. She shakes her thoughts away and notices Jay's fingers inches from her face and a huge grin spread across his lips. "You didn't hear a word I just said, did you?" he says as he breaks into laughter.

"What? I…uh. Sorry. What?" she instantly feels the heat in her face, releasing the firm hold her teeth had found on her lower lip, and tries to figure out how long she had been zoning out in front of him.

His laughter grows as he tilts his head back at the shocked look on her face and her bright red cheeks. "What were you thinkin' about there, Er?" he gets out between laughs.

"Umm." Erin stutters as she gulps. She's at a complete loss for words. Normally a quick retort comes easily off her tongue, but at the moment, she can't think of anything. "It's nothing, sorry. What's on your mind, Halstead?"

"Oh, I think I'd much rather know what's on yours." he shoots back with an amused smirk, eyeing her up and down.

"Jay…" she warns, gaining some of her composure.

He lifts his hands up in a sign of defeat "Alright, alright. Just remember, when I said I had your back, I meant it in every sense of the word." he adds with a quick wink.

She can't help but to smirk back at him. "You're such a perv."

 _Why is it that this came so naturally with her and him?_ Automatically, her mind goes to the last few months once again. How rude she was, how distant she had been toward him. And he was still so supportive. He tried so hard to reach out and help her get through what happened to Nadia. Even after pushing him away as hard as she could, he was still able to forgive her without a second thought and willing to spend his whole night at this bar sitting across from her.

"Actually, I do have a favor to ask." Erin says so quietly Jay nearly misses it over the sound of his own chuckles.

"Anything" he responds without hesitation.

"Moving back home. I just want to swing by my place, if you don't mind? Make sure its all settled before I go back completely."

"Of course." he nods, standing from his stool.

"Wait. You want to go now?" all of a sudden her chest tightens and her stomach turns. As an idea, it sounded great. As reality, it sounded terrifying.

"No time like the present." he winks and grabs his coat, walking towards the door without looking back. She grabs her red leather jacket, throws it across her shoulders and jogs toward the door to catch up with his disappearing form.

The car ride to her apartment had been fairly quiet, ten minutes of soft music helped to drown out the thoughts flying through Erin's head. Jay stole occasional glances her way, but she ignored him, keeping her eyes focused on the road. For some reason, this scared the hell out of her.

As she fumbles with her key and turned it into the deadbolt her heart rate quickens and her hand stalls. Jay sighs beside her and puts a supportive hand on the back of her shoulder, giving her a quick smile for encouragement. Slowly, she unlocks the door and takes a few short steps inside. Automatically her boot crunches into a hard object and she jumps back. Jay quickly sidesteps her and reaches for the lights around the corner. Their breaths hitch in unison as they take in the sight before them.

Empty beer cans are thrown aimlessly around the large apartment. Shattered glass covers the kitchen floor from what appears to be a few broken bottles of liquor. Puddles of unknown liquid cover any available surface.

Jays eyes scan the room, quickly spotting the few small orange bottles of medication spilled on the coffee table along with a white powder residue scattered across the glass surface. A soft haze fills the apartment and the overpowering scent of stale cigarettes leaves Jay scrunching his nose in disgust. Empty pizza bottles sit on one couch cushion and half eaten slices can be seen thrown randomly around the living space. "Oh shit." is all he can muster out before turning to meet Erin's glassy eyes.

"What the hell happened?" Jay asks more harshly than he intended to as his eyes search the damaged apartment room once again.

"I... I have no clue. Hank and I were just here last week, we completely cleaned up the place." she stammers out as her eyes well up with tears.

Jay turns his attention back towards Erin, who had now moved to stand in front of her living room setup, staring aimlessly at her coffee table. How could this have happened? Hank and her had gone from room to room practically clearing out the place. Any leftover pill bottles, whatever alcohol was lying around, all garbage, and any illegal substances were gotten rid of by Hank without a trace.

All Erin wanted to do was stop by to double check everything. To make sure that nothing was hidden. To have someone else who knew their way around the apartment check that everything was cleared out. Not that she didn't trust herself, just that she wanted to move on from those few weeks, and _this_ was certainly not the way to do that.

Her eyes scan over the room once again, it looks exactly like it had the day her and Hank showed up to clear it out. And then it all makes sense. She can't help but to let out a deep chuckle "Of course."

Jay's eyebrow shoots up questioningly as he tries to figure out what Erin is thinking. "That bitch." she growls.

Erin finally releases her gaze from the table to meet Jay's wondering eyes. "Bunny. It was Bunny. She took my spare key after a party one night. Said that no matter where I went during the day, she promised to always have a party going at home too. That way the 'fun would never end'." she sighs and looks down at the floor, no longer able to look Jay in the eye.

Erin can't help the sudden ache that fills her chest. Sure, her and her mom had some serious problems, but to completely destroy her apartment as some sort of revenge? Or had Bunny just been to strung out to realize that partying at her daughter's apartment wasn't really an option anymore? Erin doesn't know which theory hurts her more, but both ideas make her stomach turn and her eyes well up once again. After all of this time, she doesn't know why her mother's behavior still bothers her, but the fact that her mom trashed her apartment makes her feel like a little kid again, trapped under her mother's influence, unable to escape.

Jay's gaze shifts over to the mess of the apartment and he frowns. The place was seriously a disaster, Bunny had to have thrown one hell of a party for it to turn into such a train wreck. He turns his attention back to Erin once more and notices her trying to choke back the tears that are threatening to fall down her face. He thinks about walking the short distance toward her- to pull her into a big hug, but thinks better of it. Instead, he walks around her and straight into the kitchen.

Erin eyes him intently, momentarily forgetting about her current bitterness toward her mother. She watches as Jay opened drawers and cabinets, shuffling around the small kitchen. He returns seconds later holding a bucket of cleaning supplies, a box of garbage bags, and a cleaning rag. He throws the small amount of cleaning supplies he's gathered into a pile on the ground in front of him. His eyes turn to meet her questioning gaze "Well, this place isn't going to clean itself." he shrugs as he grabs a few bottles off the coffee table in front of him and tosses them into a garbage bag.

Erin smiles as she watches Jay start to collect different objects from around the room and throw them into the growing bag. "No, I guess it isn't." she chuckles lightly, grabbing her own bag to help the cleaning process.

The pair continue throwing away all of the old beer cans and bottles of liquor from around the apartment. They work in comfortable silence as Erin wipes up the unknown puddles off the floor and Jay discards the different pill bottles scattered on the surface of the coffee table. After nearly two hours, and six full garbage bags, they are finally almost finished cleaning out the apartment.

Jay scans the room and a proud grin appears on his lips "You know, you have to admit, I'm a pretty awesome house husband."

Erin can't help the wide smile that grows across her face at the thought, "Yeah. Yeah, I guess you are."

Jay looks down at the empty pizza boxes still sitting on the couch, frowning as his stomach lets out a loud growl, "What I wouldn't give to have some food right about now."

He reaches over to dispose of the boxes and immediately throws them back down on the couch, raising his hands in disgust and taking a giant step backwards, "Ew, what the hell is that?!"

Erin's brows furrow together as she looks curiously at Jay's reaction. "You alright over there?"

"Erin, this is seriously disgusting." Jay grunts as he points to the couch.

Erin raises her eyebrows questioningly and takes a step toward the couch. She turns to look at Jay once more but his eyes stay fixed on the pizza box covered surface. Suspiciously, she reaches her hand out and quickly picks up the pizza boxes and tosses them onto the floor. Glancing down at the couch cushion, she immediately jumps back as her nose scrunches up at the smell illuminating off the cushion.

"You've got to be kidding me." Erin glares down at the cushion as her hand instinctively reaches out to pinch her nose shut. Over the entire surface of the left couch cushion lays a thick, dried layer of vomit. She quickly turns behind her and grabs the bottle of cleaning solution on the coffee table. Frantically, she starts spraying the spot on the couch.

Jay stared down at the cushion in disgust, before quickly shifting his gaze from the filthy couch to Erin's reddening face, noting her watering eyes. "Hey…Hey, it's just a couch. It's okay." He reaches his hand out, but Erin quickly pulls away and takes a step back.

"It's not just about the damn couch, Jay!" she screams at him.

"This is about me! This is about me and who I choose to put my trust in!" she frowns and inhales a large heap of air before continuing, "Bunny is nothing but a disappointment…but she's my mom. I put my trust in her again and again, and every damn time she let's me down. And because of that, I let every single person who cares about me down!" she can't help the tears that start flowing down her cheeks "I just feel like such an idiot; you know? Why can't I learn?" At the thought, Erin grips the bottle of cleaning solution in her hand tightly and throws it roughly at the wall in front of her. "Why can't I ever learn?" the tears flow in wild designs down her cheeks and her breaths come out in quick, unsteady patterns.

Jay walks toward Erin quickly pulling her into a warm embrace. Large sobs escape her lips before she has time to stop them. The tears flow heavier down her face and she clutches Jay's shirt tightly in between her fists. Jay reaches his hand out and gently brushes her hair as he tries to sooth her shaking body. She isn't sure how long they stand there like this, but eventually her body relaxes enough that she chokes out a quick thought, "Why are you still here? After all the shit I've put you through?"

Erin pulls away from Jay's chest to look up at his face and notes the large wet spot that now makes up half of his shirt. He smiles lightly down at her and reaches out to brush a strand of hair off of her wet cheek, "Er, no matter what you're going through, I'll always be here for you. You're allowed to grieve. I'm just sorry I couldn't be there for you."

Erin's eyes widen. He couldn't be there for her? Did he actually just say that? How could Jay blame himself for the way she chose to handle Nadia's death? He had tried so hard to be there for her and to help her through it and she shoved him away every chance she got.

"Jay, this is all on me. Trusting Bunny. Quitting Intelligence. Shutting out the team. Shutting you out. I'm just…I'm so sorry for all of that."

Another tear slides down her face and she quickly brushes it off with her thumb and runs her hand through her hair shifting her gaze down to the floor.

"Hey." he says, lifting her chin so their eyes meet "It's over. You don't have to keep apologizing." she nods slightly against his hand.

"Besides, I'm just glad you're back." he smirks as his eyes light up "Turns out, getting to drive all the time, not half as fun as I thought it would be."

Erin chuckles and lightly swats his arm, "Well I'm glad I can help then, Halstead."

Jay grins down at her before releasing her from his grip and points back toward the couch. "Definitely gonna need a new one of those though. Actually, we should probably just burn this one."

Erin can't help the large laugh that escapes her lips, "Yeah, that's not worth saving."

After that, the two finish cleaning the apartment in no time. Jay helps Erin carry the garbage bags out of her apartment, and tidy up the rest of the place so it's ready for her to move home. Erin scans around the room, taking in the cleanliness of the apartment. She turns her attention toward her partner and smiles as her eyes meet his glistening back at her, "Thank you for being here tonight."

"Of course. I'm just glad I could help." Jay grins, never releasing her gaze.

For a minute, the two stand in the middle of Erin's living room, eyes connected- both unwilling to let the moment pass. Erin's eyes trail down Jay's face, resting on his lips for a quick second before returning her gaze to his piercing blue eyes. She chuckles lightly and sighs, "C'mon. I'll drive you home."

* * *

 **A/N: So I really liked the couch stuff, but thought that they could have started it off somewhat differently. This is just an idea of what could have happened. Please review!**


	5. Well, hellooo lovebirds

This scene fits anywhere after 3x05 "Climbing Into Bed".

* * *

Jay's fingers interlace with Erin's as they walk the down the busy Chicago sidewalk. They take long steps in unison quickly maneuvering in between clustered groups of slower walking pedestrians. A rare Saturday off had meant the couple stayed up into early hours of the morning reconnecting and enjoying each others presence in every sense of the word. After waking up incredibly late for the usually early rising detectives, they decided to dress quickly and find a nearby spot for lunch.

Walking towards a small burger joint, the two engaged in simple small talk, just happy to be out with each other. Only three short weeks had passed since Jay had asked her why they were trying to hide their feelings for one another. He had kissed her in the bar that night, and they had been inseparable since. Sure, they still kept it completely professional at work, the first week they even unintentionally distanced themselves from one another as if to prove a point to Voight that their relationship would have no affect on their ability to partner up. But, whenever they had the opportunity to be in their small bubble of happiness, they took full advantage of it.

As they approached the small hole-in-the-wall diner, Jay briefly unhooked their joined hands and reached out to open the door and motioned Erin to step in front of him. "Such the gentleman." Erin teased as she gladly walked in, stopping at the large sign that read ' _please wait to be seated_ '.

Jay silently stood beside her, rolling back and forth on his heels to pass the time. The small room looked to be about half full with customers, but he hadn't been able to spot down anyone that worked there yet. After a few minutes Jay sighed loudly and his stomach made a large grumbling noise, "Alright, where the hell are all the waiters?"

"Give them a minute." Erin laughed at his impatience "We just got here, and the place is a little busy."

"Yeah. But I had an unbelievably long, exhilarating night-" he smirked and eyed Erin up and down as she blushed "-and could really use some fuel before we get back to your place for round two." He added with a suggestive wink.

Just then the waitress appeared in front of the small podium and scanned the couple in front of her. "Just the two of ya'll today?" she acknowledged dryly.

Jay nods back to the older women. "Mmk, follow me back this way then."

They made their way down the long isle of the diner and stop at a booth halfway down the row. The waitress sets out the two large menus on top of the already set placemats. She turns back to the couple and once again eyes them quickly before motioning them to the booth. "Ya'll go ahead and look over your menus. I'll be back with waters and to take the order in just a min-"

"Halstead!?"

Jay's head swings around at the sudden mention of his name from a loud, familiar voice. "Halstead!" He scans the diner, fingers still intertwined with Erin's, and meets Adam Ruzek's grinning eyes a few booths down. "Get the hell over here, man!"

Jays sighs slightly and looks momentarily to Erin as she gives one small nod. She smiles back at the waitress, mutters a quick apology, and then the two slowly make their way towards the table where their teammate is seated, happily waiting. It's only when they arrive that Erin notices Kim Burgess taking a drink from a glass of water sitting across the booth from Ruzek.

"Well, hellooo lovebirds." Ruzek smirks as he eyes the two detectives standing in front of him- hands still laced together.

Erin shifts uncomfortably from one foot to the other. Sure, they were official now. And it wasn't a secret from anyone, but it still felt weird for someone to bring up their relationship in a normal conversation. Yes, Jay had kissed her in the bar in front of a dozen firefighters, doctors, and officers who all knew the two of them personally. But, no one from their unit had been at Molly's that night. And her and Jay made it a point not to flaunt their relationship in public. She wasn't even sure if anyone at work knew they were actually officially together.

Jay squeezed Erin's hand slightly for support as he notices her uneasiness "Hey guys. What's up?" he asks, trying to shift the conversation.

Ruzek's smile grows wider, and he looks like a little kid whose just been let run free in a candy store. "Oh you know, same old, same old. What's _new_ with the two of you lately?" he emphasizes the word as if to stress the fact that they're there together. "You guys seem awfully cozy." he adds smirking down at their interlaced hands. From under the table, Kim's foot swings against Adam's shin, hard. He instantly jumps at the forceful contact and curses quietly.

"Don't mind Adam." Kim groans, apologetically, "He has the social skills of a four-year-old, and that's on a good day."

Jay chuckles lightly "Don't worry about it." Shooting Erin another quick glance, he still sees the discomfort in her eyes, and his palm was starting to go numb against the death grip Erin has on him. "Well…umm, it was nice seeing you guys. You two enjoy your day off!"

Jay managed to turn away from the table and take one step back toward his unoccupied booth before Ruzek's voice pipped in once again, "You've gotta be shitting me!"

Jay turns back towards the young officer sitting at the table and frowns slightly, clearly confused by the response.

"You show up at the same fine dining establishment as me and Kim and expect me to let you off the hook that easy? Ohhh no. Sit down. The two of you are going to eat with us today!" he says, sliding deeper into the booth and pats the now open spot beside him.

Erin grimaces instantly and releases the firm grip she had on Jay's hand. From the look on Ruzek's face, she can see there is no way that he is letting this one go. He's practically jumping out of his seat at the idea of the four of them eating lunch all together. She looks up at Jay standing beside her and shrugs her shoulders slightly. "He's not really giving us an option here, Jay."

"That, I am not!" Ruzek chimes in, enthusiastically.

Before either of them have time to move forward, Kim stands from her seat and motions to the now open side of the booth. "Um, I'll let you two sit on this side. It's the least I can do since you won't get to eat your meal in peace today." she smiles warmly at the pair and slips into the booth next to her fiancé.

"Thanks, Burgess." Erin smiles as her and Jay sit down across from the pair.

The waitress makes her round back towards the now crowded table, noting the couple's change in seating arrangements. Erin and Jay both order a coke and skim through the menu quickly deciding on separate burger meals. Silence etches out between the four of them and Jay's leg starts impatiently bouncing under the table.

"So." he starts, "How have you guys been doing lately?"

Kim's eyes brighten up slightly "We've been doing pretty good! Just uhh, busy trying to start wedding planning stuff." She unintentionally spins the small diamond ring she now wears in between her thumb and index finger.

"Ah, yeah! The wedding. That must be fun!" Erin joins in, trying to sound enthusiastic about the upcoming event. She doesn't know why it makes her uncomfortable. Adam and Kim seem great together, and they appear to have a solid relationship. But for some reason, the idea of the two of them being married seems so far out of reach to her.

"Ha!" Ruzek tilts his head back snorting at the thought, "Fun isn't exactly the word I would use. I'd say I have bridezilla sitting next to me and we haven't even set an official wedding date!" Kim's hand flies out to swat Ruzek's arm.

"Ouch! I'm just saying, this is going to be a fun couple of years." Kim's eyes widen and shoot over to watch Adam's face at the mention of time. Laughing, Ruzek continues on with his thoughts, "It's already pure hell discussing wedding stuff."

Burgess frowns and looks down at the melting ice inside her glass of water. Sure, she had told Adam that they should push the wedding date back, but did he just say a couple of years? What did that even mean? And how could it already be 'pure hell' discussing wedding stuff when her and Adam had only talked about their actual wedding a handful of times? Picking up her glass and taking a huge gulp of the cool liquid to keep her from saying something she'd regret in front of Erin and Jay, Burgess noted that this was a topic she would definitely be bringing up again later. Adam's voice brought her back out of her thoughts-

"A little advice Jay, don't ever get engaged." he chuckles once again as he picks up his root beer and swallows a large mouthful.

Erin and Jay's eyes automatically meet and the the corner of his mouth turns up in a small goofy grin.

Kim scoffs, "Well you would know, since you're such the expert when it comes to engagements." she retorts bitterly from her spot next to him, no longer being able to hold back. Before things get too awkward in front of the other pair, Kim lets out a small, dry laugh and turns her attention back toward her melting ice.

Immediately, Erin's eyes leave Jays and scan Burgess' face. She can tell that what was just said wasn't meant as a joke, and there is definitely a story behind it. A story that Kim was not too happy about. She makes a mental note to check in with the young officer when they're alone sometime. Her and Kim weren't the greatest friends, but maybe they could change that, they did have some things in common after all.

Ruzek sets down his cup and instantly turns his head to look at his fiancée. "Baby, you know it was just a joke, right? I wasn't at all being serious...about any of it." Regret is written all over his face. "Seriously, it was just a joke." He leans his head closer towards hers and brushes his lips against her temple as a quick apology.

"Yeah, yeah. Still doesn't exactly make all of it okay, Adam." she waves it off. Ruzek frowns at Kim's admittance. They had talked about his previous engagements, but he knew that this would be a sour subject for a while, and him joking about marriage definitely wasn't helping. He sighed and in a quick motion moves towards Kim's face, surprising her with a peck against her lips. She lightly shoves against his chest in an attempt to move him away, but after a moment, smiles against his lips.

Jay's eyebrows furrow together as he watches the couple in front of him. It definitely seemed like they were interrupting a private moment between the two of them, a private moment that Ruzek and Burgess had chosen to have with Erin and Jay seated directly across from them with no easy escape. Him and Erin were definitely not the PDA type, and what was going on across the table was making Jay increasingly uncomfortable. He shifts his gaze to Erin, who is staring wide-eyed at the pair.

"Uhh..." Jay starts, loudly clearing his throat. Ruzek turns toward Jay, glaring, as Burgess blushes from the realization that she just created an awkward situation. Adam is clearly waiting for a response but Jay's got nothing to say. He just wanted to stop the pair in front of him before it got too uncomfortable. Just as he's about to start up a random conversation, the waitress returns with four large plates stacked in her hands and resting against her forearms. She slowly reads off the different meals, gives each of them their desired plate, and leaves the table once more.

For a few moments, silence once again settles over the table. Although it's quiet, the four feel a bit more relaxed than before, and distract themselves with the food in front of them. In that time Jay finishes half his burger, and Erin devours her side of fries. It wasn't until the food had hit her mouth that she realized just how hungry she had been. After her fries were gone, she reaches over to pick up a handful off Jay's plate, dips them in her ketchup and scarfs them down as well. Jay's eyebrow shoots up as his mouth falls open at Erin's not-so-sly attempt at stealing his food. She chuckles lightly and sticks her tongue out towards her boyfriend while he smirks back at her.

Ruzek stares at Erin's interaction with Jay and grins widely, "So...how long have the two of you been a thing?"

"Adam!" Kim hisses, glaring over at him.

"What? I'm just curious about the happy couple." he chuckles.

Surprising herself, Erin laughs it off, "It's fine, I really don't mind." she sighs and looks over at Jay, who's waiting eagerly for her response. "We've actually been back together for a few weeks now." she states coolly.

"Back together? Hmm. That's- that's really interesting, Lindsay." Ruzek snickers, and looks toward Jay for a sign of confirmation.

"Adam!" Kim yells once again and reaches a hand out to pinch the outside of his thigh.

Jay glares over at Ruzek who's now wincing in pain and rubbing his upper leg. Erin was finally opening up to people about their relationship, and Ruzek was being an ass.

"Yes. Back together." Erin scowls back at Ruzek "We were together for a minute a while back, after I joined the task force. We broke up, Nadia… Nadia died, and I left. Now I'm back, and things are good. Although, I doubt I'm telling you anything you didn't already know." She says matter-of-factly.

"Well, I'm just glad you two are happy. You've always seemed good for each other." Burgess adds in before Ruzek has the chance to say anything to cause further annoyance to the pair sitting across from them.

Erin smiles at that thought "Thanks, Burgess. You too, I'm glad you're both happy." her eyes glance between the two of them. "It's nice to find someone who makes you feel like yourself, you know? Make sure you hold onto that."

Jay can't help the grin that spreads across his face as he listens to Erin's words. He suddenly feels very relieved that she's talking about their relationship comfortably, and that she seems so happy about her current status. He reaches his hand under the table and gives her knee a reassuring squeeze before resting his hand on her lower thigh.

Erin and Kim are soon deep in conversation about the Intelligence unit, discussing Voight's views and reasoning behind Atwater being chosen over her to join the squad first. Erin shrugs off Kim's disappointment, letting her know that she practically is already in, if you take into account the fact that she's the only uniform Voight truly trusts with their cases. Ruzek nods along at the thought, reminding Kim that she was Voight's first choice when Atwater was reduced back to patrol while being investigated a few months ago.

As they finish up their food, the waitress makes her way back toward the table, placing the bill in between the group. Jay's hand reaches out to grab onto the slip of paper, but before he can grab it, Ruzek squeezes tightly around the other side of the bill. "Halstead, I got this."

Jay chuckles humorously, "Uh, no. Actually, you don't."

Adam shakes his head in response, glaring across the table "Jay, I said I got it."

"And I said you don't."

Erin rolls her eyes at the scene playing out in front of her. Reaching into her jacket pocket, she pulls out two folded twenty-dollar bills before reaching across the table and handing it directly to the waitress. "You can keep the change." The older lady graciously accepts the money and makes her way back toward the kitchen.

"What!? Lindsay, That's no fair!" Ruzek pouts

Jay chuckles at Erin as he stands from the booth, Erin following close behind. Burgess quickly slides out as well and Adam downs the remainder of his coke before joining the group and heading toward the door of the diner. Walking outside, Erin adjusts the zipper on her jacket before quickly intertwining her hand with Jay's.

"We should do this more often, we never hangout!" Ruzek says, turning to meet Jay and Erin's eyes.

Jay lets out a deep chuckle, "We spend practically everyday together, Ruzek."

Adam scoffs, "Yeah. But only 'cause we have to. I mean like actually hangout."

Jay turns toward Erin, giving her a slight nod. Despite their plans for the afternoon being completely ruined, and despite the fact that Ruzek had made Erin uncomfortable about her and Jay's relationship, Jay had to admit that spending lunch with Burgess and Ruzek had actually been a good time. They were good people, and it was nice to get to do something with them outside of work. The idea of hanging out with them more often actually sounded pretty good.

Erin smiles widely and her eyes meet Ruzek and Kim's "We should definitely hangout again sometime. It was actually a lot of fun."

And with that, the two groups part ways with the promise of hanging out again soon. Not by accidentally running into each other at some grimy diner, but because having lunch with some good friends turned out to be a fun time and they finally realized there is no need to hide their relationship from anyone anymore.

* * *

 **A/N: So this one's a little different from the others I've started, but I thought it would be fun! Plus, it's not really known how aware the unit is of their actual relationship status, just that "everybody knows" in some way. Please review!**


	6. Erin? The man said he's fine

A little scene from season two, sometime before the "cool it" period

* * *

Snow falls lightly on the windshield and Jay focuses on the wet street just outside the car. He and Antonio had been sitting in the truck for over four hours now, waiting for any sign of the Valdino brothers. A meeting was supposed to have gone down around eight o'clock, but as the sky grew darker, and it neared midnight, Jay was becoming impatient. Frowning, he began drumming a loud beat into the console of the car, picking up the pace as the tune played out in his head.

"You keep doing that and I'm going to kick your ass." Antonio nods over to him.

Jay's hands automatically stop as he sighed, "Toni, we're made, man. Let's just go back to the district."

"Voight wants us to wait here."

Jay glares out the window at the building across the street, "We've been here for hours. My ass hurts from sitting so long. If there was some meeting going on in there, don't you think we'd have seen something by now?"

Antonio shrugs, "Maybe. Maybe the meeting ran late."

"Four hours late?" Jay shakes his head as Dawson's eyes scan over the building once again, "Let's just go."

"Why are you in such a hurry to get out of here anyway?" Antonio says, meeting Jay's eyes.

"I'm not in a hurry. I'm just tired, I'm ready to go home and get to bed." Jay states as he pulls out his phone, checking for any new messages.

Antonio chuckles lightly, "Yeah. Okay, sure, Halstead."

Jay frowns over at Antonio, "What?"

"How many times you gonna check that phone tonight?" Dawson smiles, focusing back on the road in front of him.

Jay glares over to his friend, "I'm just looking for any updates on the case."

Antonio's smile grows, "Alright, sure. Lindsay texted you anything yet?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Antonio puts up his hands in mock surrender, chuckling lightly, "Whoa. I meant anymore information on the case. They are still at the district, right? Or did they forget about us and go home for the night?"

Jay sighs, "No. They're still there. It doesn't seem like Voight's letting them go anytime soon either."

"See? Everyone is still there. So there's no reason for you to want to rush home, Halstead."

Jay's head swings back to face Antonio once again, "Okay…but what the hell does that mean?"

Antonio's chuckles turn into a deep laugh. "Jay, you're going to have to be a little less obvious if you think you're fooling anyone. It's only a matter of time before Voight-" Antonio's words quickly trail off as he focuses his gaze back toward the building just beyond the car, "-what do you think we have here?"

Jay's glare follows Antonio's to the street in front of them to watch as two men step outside of the small side door to the brick building. The shorter man, with shoulder length black hair, wearing a grey suit, appeared to be yelling at someone over the phone. Standing slightly behind him and about three inches taller is another man, wearing a black suit with short brown hair. Jay quickly recognizes the two as Richie and Marcus Valdino.

"That's them." Jay states, reaching for the door handle.

Antonio grabs onto Jay's arm before he has the chance to move, nodding toward the road in front of them. "Hold on a second."

A black BMW slowly makes its way to a stop in front of the building. The driver's side door swings open and an older man walks around the car to open the back passenger side door. Two young men rise out of the car and make their way toward the Valdino brothers. Unlike the pair waiting outside the building, the men who had just arrived did not look dressed for any type of business event. The younger of the two men had long, shaggy blonde hair and was wearing a grey sweater and ripped up acid-washed jeans. The other man wore tight tan pants and a black wife beater, his head was completely shaved to reveal a skull full of tattoos. Both men carried a large duffle bag.

Once the Valdino brothers noted the pair walking toward them they immediately began walking the short distance to meet the two men. They exchanged a few words and all shook hands before Richie motioned for the four to go back toward the building. Richie lead the way as the two unknown men followed close behind. As they reached the door, Marcus turned and scanned the surrounding area, giving a quick nod to the driver before closing the door behind him.

"We should call Voight." Dawson states coolly as he takes note of the license plate to the BMW quickly driving down the road.

"Got it."

Within a few minutes, Voight's SUV pulls up behind Antonio's truck, along with the Chrysler. Quickly, Al, Ruzek, Atwater, Voight and Erin exit the cars and make their way toward Antonio and Jay. The unit gathers around and quietly adjusts their bullet proof vests and grabs their respective guns, waiting for Voight's orders.

"Alright, Halstead, Lindsay, and Ruzek around back." Voight growls, "The rest of you, take the front with me." He looks between the members of his unit before continuing. "Look, we don't know exactly what is going on in there, so assume they're armed and dangerous. Everyone goes home tonight, ya hear?"

Quick looks are shared among the unit before Voight gives a final nod and the two groups take off silently in opposite directions. Halstead motions Erin and Ruzek forward as he surveys the area around the perimeter of the building. Checking a few blackened windows on the way to the back, the three arrive at a large wood door. Ruzek jiggles the handle and shakes his head "Locked."

Jay nods and takes a large step backward before ramming his foot against the door and busting through it. The whole door breaks off the rusty hinges and hits the concrete floor with a large THUD!

"So much for being quiet, Halstead." Erin frowns over to him as she makes her way around him and inside the dark room.

The three silently walk through the back of the first floor checking each room as they do so. Ruzek reaches a door and opens it to find a staircase leading down to a pitch-black cellar. "Hey, check it out." he whispers.

Jay nods back to him, walking briskly toward the stairs, motioning Erin to follow. Erin silently grasps the back of Jay's vest as he starts slowly walking down the winding stairs, Ruzek following quickly behind. Checking the first two rooms in silence, the pair nod forward as Ruzek takes the lead. He picks up pace as he makes his way toward the end of the hall where a large door is located. Adam stops abruptly, making Erin slam into his back, losing her footing slightly in the process. Jay reaches his hand out instinctively to steady her. "Ruzek, what the hell was that about?" she mutters angrily.

Adam turns toward her, glaring as his eyes widen and he turns back to the door. "You guys hear that?"

Upon closer inspection, muffled voices can be heard right beyond the door and Erin's eyes widen as she tries to listen in. The three look between each other before Ruzek gives a slow nod and reaches for the handle. Jay and Erin focus their guns high as they watch carefully as Adam swings the door open. The harsh light of the room is blinding as it overpowers the dim hall, and the three quickly take a step forward before stopping in unison.

Erin's eyes scan over the large space, quickly realizing it is empty. A small table sits in the center with several stacks of paper thrown about it. In the corner, a radio softly plays out one of Chicago's most recognizable talk shows. Erin takes another step forward, surveying the table in front of her. Looking at the empty room Ruzek rolls his eyes before he grunts loudly, "Dammit! I thought we actually had something!" Jay nods in agreement as he watches Erin skim through a small pile of papers sitting on the table.

Voight's raspy voice over the com shifts Halstead's attention "Upstairs floors are clear. Olinsky and Atwater are chasing down a suspect outside. You guys got anything?"

Jay frowns as he places his gun in it's holster to reach for the radio located on his vest "Clear down here too." Erin nods over to him as she grabs one of the files, making her way down the hall.

"Alright, something's going on here we aren't aware of. Meet us back at the entrance." Voight groans into radio. Ruzek makes his way around Jay toward the staircase, quickly taking the stairs two at a time, Erin following close behind.

Jay stands in place, sighing into the radio, "Got it. We're heading up n-"

"Move and you die." The harsh feeling of ice cold metal against Jay's temple leaves a shiver down his spine and his words get lost in his throat.

Erin's eyes immediately widen as she turns on the stairs and pulls her gun to meet the man standing directly behind Jay. "Drop your gun or we drop you." she barks down at Marcus Valdino.

Ruzek takes a quick step down the stairs as he draws his gun, focusing on the man right behind Jay. "CPD, put the gun down now!"

The man shakes his head quickly as he presses the pistol into Jay's temple roughly, "You see, I'm not too worried about that."

"I said drop your gun!" Erin growls, taking another step down the staircase.

Jay raises his hands in front of himself as a sign of surrender. Taking in his current position, he weighs his options. He could risk it- one solid blow to the guy's ribcage would send him crumpling to the ground. He would be out for a few seconds and that would give Jay the amount of time he needed to step back, pull his gun, and allow Erin to cuff Valdino. But there was another issue present. The one that was currently pressed into the side of his temple roughly. If Valdino was quicker than Jay realized, or if Valdino suspected what Jay was planning before he was able to execute it, he was dead. Not just injured, not just left with a bullet wound, dead.

"Erin. I'm fine." Jay states coolly.

Valdino clearly knew what he was doing. His positioning- his current stance. He's placed himself in such a way that so little of himself was showing around Jay that it would be way too risky to take a shot at him directly without risking missing and shooting Jay instead. Using Halstead as a human shield as he forces the pistol further into Jay's skull.

"It's okay, Erin." Jay confirms.

Shaking her head, Erin descends the remainder of the stairs. "Valdino. There's two of us and only one of you. Drop your gun or I swear you won't make it out of here alive."

Chuckling roughly, Marcus smiles back at her, " _Erin_? The man said he's fine." he mocks.

Ruzek looks over to Erin for a brief moment, taking in her posture. She looked calm and collected on the outside, but the large bead of sweat pooling at her forehead made him aware of her inner nerves. "Look, drop the gun now and we can help you out. But you're about to do something you're really gonna regret-"

Erin winces at the thought, her usually steady hands trembling slightly against her will. "Drop the damn gun, now!" she barks.

Jay's eyes meet Erin's once more and he plants a reassuring smile on his lips, "Er, I'm fine. It's okay."

Shaking her head once again, Erin takes another step forward.

"One more step, and he's dead!" Marcus shoots back menacingly.

Erin's eyes widen as panic sets in. Noticing her stance Jay turns his attention toward Ruzek who is staring intently at Valdino, his gun pointed in between Jay and Marcus, trying to focus enough to get a clear shot. Jay stares, waiting until Ruzek's gaze finally shifts toward him. He was aware of a few things in this moment. One: Valdino was getting impatient, and whatever his reason, he wanted out- and he wasn't against dropping a cop to get there. Two: Erin's usual calm and composed exterior was quickly fading and he wasn't quite sure how to calm his partner's nerves. Meeting Adam's eyes, Jay sends a quick, wide-eyed glance to Valdino, nodding slightly for emphasis before returning his gaze to Ruzek.

Ruzek nods once in affirmation, tightening his grip around the gun in his hand. Focusing in on Valdino, he lines up a shot and places his finger over the trigger. It was a one chance shot- now or never.

As if Marcus Valdino was reading his mind, he quickly steps to the side and pushes his gun further against Halstead, knocking him in line with Ruzek's only open shot in one quick movement. Placing his finger on the trigger he grunts as Jay sends a sharp elbow toward his jaw. As he stumbles backward, Jay reaches for the gun placed firmly in Valdino's right hand and the two fight for power.

Adam watches, eyes darting from left to right, trying to focus in on Valdino. From beside him, he can make out the sound of Erin scream as Jay and Valdino become an assortment of limbs as the fight for control of the gun intensifies. As punches ricochet and a hard knee to the stomach sends Jay stumbling slightly backward, Marcus grabs a firm hold of the gun and fires rapidly.

Two bullets sound in unison as Halstead drops to the ground. The sound of three more shots ring through the hall of the basement as Ruzek sends bullets flying into Valdino's chest and the man falls limply beside Jay.

"Lindsay, call an ambo!" Ruzek screams, running toward Jay.

Erin stands, momentarily frozen. Staring horrified as her partner lays limp against the ground.

As Adam reaches Jay he turns and notices Erin's unmoving form, "Lindsay, call an ambo! Radio Voight! Lindsay!"

The words go in one ear and out the other. The only thing Erin can focus on is Jay. She wants to run, to scream, to sprint forward to help him. To assure him everything will be okay. But her feet feel like they are stuck in cement and she can't move, can't speak. Her body is completely still save for the steady pool of tears that have welled up in her eyes, quickly falling down her cheeks.

"50-21 Ida. We have an Emergency. Officer down. We need an ambo here stat!" Ruzek yells into his radio.

Staring at Erin, he radios once again, "Voight, we have a problem. I need you in the basement, right now! Halstead's shot."

"Dammit!" Hank's gruff voice echoes through the com.

"A little help here, Lindsay!" Ruzek shouts toward Erin before turning his attention back to Jay.

Jay's coughing snaps Erin back into reality and she rushes over to his side, kneeling next to his chest.

"Jay? Jay!" She watches as he takes in a sharp inhalation of oxygen, "Oh god. Are you hit? Jay!? Please let it be the vest. Please. Please let it be the vest…" she repeats moving shaking hands towards the Kevlar vest covering his chest.

Ruzek looks between the two and watches intently as Erin fumbles with shaky hands, quickly ripping away Jay's vest. "Please be okay. Jay, I need you to be okay."

Tears silently streaming down her face as she observes his body. Running her hands hurriedly over his chest and down his abdomen, she checks all areas for any sign of a bullet wound. Once she is sure the vest caught the bullets, Erin releases a large breath before returning her hand to his chest, feeling the rushed heartbeat beneath it. As she focuses in on the large rise and fall of his chest, Erin sighs, finally looking up to meet Jay's waiting eyes.

"Erin-" he coughs out.

"You asshole." she manages between sobs before gripping his face in between her hands tightly, resting her lips against his forehead. Breathing heavily Jay tries to let out a chuckle, but winces at the pain he immediately feels in his chest.

Voight and Dawson descend the stairs rapidly, guns raised. Looking around the dimly lit hall, the two take in their surroundings. Marcus Valdino lay, unmoving- a large pile of blood pooled up around his torso. Ruzek sat by Jay's head, nodding over to his sergeant and the older detective as he notices them enter the hallway. Jay was still laying flat against the hard concrete floor, chest rising and falling in uneven patterns as his breaths came out loud and unsteady. Erin sat over him, still gripping onto his cheeks, her own face pressed against his- needing the proximity to assure herself that he was alright.

Voight's eyes immediately focus in on the partners in front of him.

"What the hell happened?" Dawson questions, temporarily shifting Voight's attention over to Ruzek. Erin jumps at the sound of Antonio's voice, lifting her head from Jay's in one quick movement in an attempt to create some separation. Staring at her sergeant, she keeps her hands firmly locked on Jay's face.

Ruzek shakes his head, "We cleared every room. Marcus Valdino was somewhere, though. Pulled a gun on Halstead. We couldn't get a shot on him."

"If you cleared every room, Marcus Valdino wouldn't have been a problem." Hank barks back angrily.

"Sarge, I know, but-"

"Halstead," Voight interrupts, taking a step closer "You alright?"

Erin lets her hands trail down Jay's face to rest on his sharply rising chest. Jay inhales deeply, "Ye-yeah. Yeah." He coughs. "I'm good."

"Hm." Watching as Jay struggles for breaths he adds, "Medics will be here shortly; you're getting checked out."

"Sarge." Jay manages, "I-I'm good."

Erin frowns at her partner. She watches as his chest rises and falls unequally, listening to the raspy tone of his breathing. "Jay. You need to get checked out. Please."

Looking over at her, Jay notes the red rim around her eyes and the wetness that still stains her cheeks. He stares at her, nodding in confirmation. "Okay."

Voight glares down at Halstead, watching Erin smile back at him. His smirk evident even through the pain on his face. Erin subconsciously traces small circles on his chest with her finger as his breathing slightly steadies. "You're never allowed to do that again. Okay?"

Jay's eyes focus on hers, and he watches her movements intently, grinning from ear to ear. Nodding, Jay brings his hand up to rest on top of Erin's still-shaky hand. He squeezes her palm gently, "Never again." he mutters, his chest already feeling better at her gentle touch.

* * *

 **A/N: I wanted to bring a little bit more to the "Voight knows" and more of the unit. So here's something that could have happened while they were together in season 2. Hope you enjoyed it!**


	7. A little bit of time

This scene takes place in 3x03, "Actual Physical Violence".

* * *

Jays pace quickens as he shuffles across the small open space of the locker room. Letting out a deep sigh, he lets his thoughts shift back to a few years ago. Back to his time spent overseas. Back to Afghanistan. He remembers the first time he met Mouse. How care-free and adaptive he was. Although he had always been on the smaller side- had always been a little timid and unsure at times, he was full of life and happiness. During their time overseas, when he met his good friend, Jay realized how brave and easy-going Mouse could be.

He never had a problem changing plans mid-way through. He never faltered when their sergeant threw out commands. Even in the thick of it, when Hollingsworth had been kidnapped and tortured, when late one night their base had been ransacked and a few of their own had been abducted, Mouse somehow managed to keep his head. At times, it felt like Jay and him were the only two keeping it together. It was one of the reasons Jay became such good friends with him so quickly.

But this time, Jay knew things were different. It has been almost five years since they had returned from their time overseas. A lot of shit had happened since then. And Jay had to admit, he personally went through hell when they got back. Somehow Mouse had managed to be there with him through it all, too. But, in comparison to what happened with Mouse, Jay's problems were a walk in the park. Everything that happened to Mouse came on so suddenly one day and soon completely consumed his life. The affects of the abduction, the kidnapping, the Humvee incident- add that to the deaths and killings that came along with being in combat- all weighing too much on the young soldier.

Once it started, Mouse's world became consumed with darkness. Soon memories turned to depression, which turned into self-prescribed remedies to dull the ache. To help him forget. To help him disappear. And with that came the wrong crowd of friends. Before he knew it, his life revolved around small illegal acts such as petty theft and hacking.

Jay had kept in contact as best as he could. But his life was also going through some major transitions. Things weren't easy for him, and keeping up with Mouse on top of that became harder and harder. Mouse sunk further away from the few people who actually cared about his well-being. Refusing help from anyone who tried. So the day Jay joined intelligence, the day he started constructing his own personal CI's to keep tabs on, Mouse was his first call. And the second he realized the unit needed help with tech support, he knew it was the easiest way to use Mouse's hacking skills to pull him out of the hole he had been burying himself deep within for years.

But what was happening today? A gun pointed against his head, being held against his will once again- Jay had no clue how Mouse would handle this. After everything that had happened, all of the time that had gone by, and all of the memories that he had tried for years to forget. How many old, unwanted memories it would bring flooding back? Was Mouse even okay down there? It had been two hours since Jay had seen his friend being held at gunpoint, being dragged into the office on the lower floor of the twenty-first district, and panic was setting in.

Jay's pace quickens as he rushes toward the back wall of lockers. Sending a fist flying into the metal, he lets out a large grunt at the contact. Seething, Jay once again sends his fist into the locker, winching in pain as he feels the skin split open at the contact.

"He's going to be fine." The calm, raspy voice of his partner states through the silent space, making Jay's head swing toward the door of the locker room.

Rolling his eyes, Jay lets out an unwanted chuckle. "And how do you know that?"

"He's going to be fine." Erin repeats, taking a step further inside the room.

"Sure." Jay shrugs before letting out a deep, harsh breath. Before pushing off the locker and continuing his quick pacing down the center row of the locker room.

"Hey." Erin tries again, "I know Mouse. And I know this unit. We are a family; we don't let anything happen to family."

Stopping in his tracks, Jay turns to face Erin and lets out a deep, humorless laugh. "We don't let anything happen? Really? That's funny. What about Jules? Huh, Erin!?"

"You know what I meant, Jay"

Taking a step closer, Jay continues, getting louder with each word, "How many times has Antonio been shot, or something happened to someone in his family, Erin?"

"Jay, I-"

He takes another step toward Erin, so they're mere inches apart, and spits out bitterly, "Huh, Erin?! What about them?"

As he continues, his words get harsher and more direct, his eyes focus in on Erin, unblinking, "What about Jin? He didn't deserve that! He did a lot for this unit and got _killed_."

Running a hand roughly through his hair, Jay chuckles darkly before continuing, "So don't stand there and tell me this unit is a family. That we protect each other. How many times has Voight threatened one of us, one of the members of his _family_?" Taking a deep breath, Jay shuts his eyes for a moment, before quickly opening them and spitting out, "And look at what just happened to Nad-"

The word immediately gets lost in his throat as he watches Erin's face drop. Her expression instantly changing from concern toward her partner to shock. And then she opens her mouth to speak before shutting it, shaking her head and narrowing her eyes at Jay and taking a step backward, away from him.

"Erin-"

"What about Nadia? Huh? Go ahead. Say it, Jay!"

Jay's eyes soften and he instinctively reaches a hand out toward her, but she pulls away before he can grasp her arm. "Er-"

"No. Say it, Jay!" She yells as unwanted tears well up in her eyes. "You wanted to prove your point, don't let me stop you!" As a tear falls down he face she screams harshly, "Prove your damn point, Jay. Just say it!"

Jay frowns, taking a small step forward as he swallows harshly. "Erin. I-I'm sorry."

Crossing her arms, Erin rolls her eyes in response.

"Hey. I'm sorry." He repeats more firmly, stepping so they're once again toe to toe.

"What's there to be sorry for? Your junkie partner's junkie friend gets killed. Sounds pretty straight-forward to me, don't you think?!" Erin spits out, glaring harshly at Jay before dropping her gaze to the floor. Trying to mask the quick flow of tears that were falling from her watering eyes.

"Er-"

Jay shakes his head, willing Erin's eyes to meet his once again. After a few silent moments, he slowly reaches out his hand to touch her crossed arms. When she doesn't immediately pull back, he gently grabs onto her forearm and pulls it toward him, making her other arm fall limply to her side.

He pulls her arm gently, tugging her, urging her forward. Erin keeps her eyes locked on the ground but let's her feet move forward. Lets Jay guide her farther into the locker room and onto a wooden bench between two sets of lockers. She sits down at the bench and raises her gaze just enough to watch as Jay swings one of his legs over the bench, sitting so he's straddling it, facing her.

Jay releases the soft grip on her arm and slowly moves his hand up to rest on her chin. He gently lifts her chin, so her gaze finally meets his. "Erin…I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm pissed, and I took it out on you."

Erin stills for a moment against his hand, staring directly into his eyes as she debates her next move. After a moment, she nods into his touch as Jay brings up a calloused finger to wipe a stray tear off her cheek, letting his finger linger a moment longer than necessary against her skin.

"I-I'm just worried. Mouse...Mouse has just had a really hard time adjusting, and…" Jay mutters, letting his words trail off. Erin watches as his brows scrunch together, as his eyes sparkle and he swallows roughly. Jay brings his hand to his hair, running it through the short cut before continuing, "…he's just been through a lot I guess."

"Jay, Hank is doing everything he can." Erin promises, letting a small reassuring smile cross her lips.

"Yeah. I just-I don't know. If anything happens to him..." He inhales sharply, shaking the thought from his mind.

"Hey. Nothing will happen." Erin says with certainty. She reaches her hand out, setting it on top of Jay's lower right thigh and squeezing it gently.

His gaze shifts downward, focusing in on her hand before he nods. "I know. It's just, if something does...it'll be my fault."

"What are you talking about? This has nothing to do with you, Jay."

Frowning, Jay lets out a deep breath before continuing, "No. I mean, I know that. But...Mouse wouldn't even be in this situation if it wasn't for me. He wouldn't even be here." He adds quietly, letting a loan tear fall from his eye.

Erin immediately understands Jay's concern. His guilt over Mouse's situation all too familiar as she thinks back to her reaction to Nadia's disappearance. The guilt she felt as soon as she had learned that Yates had taken her. Eating away at her once they found Nadia's body, consuming Erin's every thought. Dragging her deeper and deeper into depression.

"Jay." Erin whispers, moving her hand up to rest on his cheek. "Look at me."

Jays eyes lift up, focusing in on his partner's.

"No matter what happens, this is not your fault." She says firmly. "It will never be your fault."

Jay nods at her and shifts his eyes downward once again. He wants to believe her words, but he can't help the sinking feeling in his chest. The overwhelming sensation of guilt already at the idea that something may go wrong.

"Jay." Erin says once again, brushing her thumb against the rough stubble of his cheek. "This is _not_ your fault. Promise me you know that."

Hearing the sincerity in her voice, Jay nods against her hand. "I know. I'm just worried about him, Er." He whispers out before another silent tear spills down his cheek.

Erin instinctively moves her fingers to brush away the tear. Her own eyes welling up at the sight. Jay was not one to get emotional easily, and seeing him like this was making Erin's heart ache. She wanted nothing more than to help Jay from hurting for his friend, to stop him from having to worry about the 'what if's' of the current situation.

Running her fingers across his cheek, her hand slowly makes its way to his lips, and she brushes her thumb across them. She watched intently as Jay's gaze focus in on her finger, and his deep blue eyes glisten against her touch. Before she can second guess herself, Erin leans forward, brushing her lips against the spot her thumb just grazed.

Jay inhales a deep breath at the feel of her soft, gentle lips against his. He pulls back slightly before feeling Erin's warm breath against his. Erin grins as she feels Jay's hand reach out and touch her waist. As his lips part slightly and allow her access. Tightening her grasp on his face, Erin intensifies the kiss, grinning again his mouth before sliding her tongue out to further deepen the kiss. Instead of returning her enthusiasm, further deepening the kiss, and smiling against her touch like Erin was expecting, Jay pulls back, pushing against Erin to add a little bit of distance between the two of them.

"Whoa. Erin...umm...no." Jay shoots out.

"Jay?"

"Erin, I can't...we can't...this can't happen." He breaths out, motioning between the two of them.

Erin's eyes widen as realization hits. She had just kissed Jay. He was clearly going through a lot at the moment, and she thought adding their own personal problems to that was a good idea? Not to mention the fact that they had just got back into the swing of being partners, joking causally between the two of them- now she wanted to ruin that once again? _What the hell was wrong with her?_

It had only been a little over a month since Erin had come back. Since she had told Hank she wanted to hold onto her badge and return to intelligence. Only five weeks since the last time Erin had gotten high. Since the last time she had spent an entire night completely wasted at some club with her mom, Landon, or whatever group of partiers she found herself with. She was barley holding it together herself and wasn't even willing to go see Dr. Charles for an actual session yet. There was no way in hell she was ready to add a relationship into the mix, no matter how much she cared about the man sitting in front of her.

Erin looked back to Jay. He sat, running his hands over his face, contemplating what to say. She had just kissed him, and he had just pushed her away.

"I-I'm so sorry, Jay. I shouldn't have done that. I-I shouldn't have done that." Erin stutters out, shifting backwards on the bench.

Jay drops his hands as his brows furrow and he watches Erin panic. "No. Hey, Erin. It's okay." He says as he places his hand on her arm once again, "Hey. It's okay."

Shaking her head, Erin tries to back herself from away from Jay, but he holds his hand firm against here arm, keeping her in place. "Jay. I-I umm...just forget that happened, okay? Please?"

Mimicking her actions, Jay shakes his head in response. He scoots closer on the bench so once again he is sitting just in front of Erin. Calmly, he draws soft circles on her arm as he speaks, "Erin, it's okay. I shouldn't have freaked out like that. I just don't think it's the right time for…I, umm, I just need a little bit of time to-"

A loud knocking quickly shifts Erin's gaze away from Jay's and toward the doorway. "Uhh. Sorry guys." Ruzek coughs out, his eyes bouncing from Erin to Jay. "Voight's got a lead. He wants us to go check it out."

"Got it." Jay says quickly, dropping his hand from Erin's arm as the pair stand in unison. As Ruzek nods back, he smiles widely before turning and exiting the doorway. Jay shifts to face Erin once again before she takes a step away. He reaches his hand between them and grabs ahold of hers, squeezing it gently. "Just a little bit of time." He repeats.

Erin looks down at their interlocked hands before returning his gaze. A wide smirk settles across her face, "Just a little bit of time." She echoes.

* * *

 **A/N: I had really been hoping for a scene in that episode between Jay and Erin, and more scenes to transition them back into being in a relationship. So here's one of my add-ins on something that could have happened with that!**

 **Happy New Year everyone!**


	8. It's not that simple, Jay

This scene takes place after the events of 3x02, "Natural Born Storyteller"

* * *

Erin's eyes focus in on the deep brown stain covering the wood in front of her. She examines the dark color and the texture of the grain. The small scrapes and chunks missing from the solid piece of wood. Her eyes scan across the numbers to the left of the frame reading _206_. Sighing, she contemplates her next move. Scanning her surroundings once again she takes a deep, unsteady breath before reaching her shaky fist forward.

Right as her hand makes contact with the door, it swings open and a familiar, yet unexpected pair of deep blue eyes meet hers. Erin shifts uncomfortably on her feet as she stares at the red-headed man in front of her in a pair of deep burgundy hospital scrubs.

"Umm. Hi." She mutters, quickly dropping her hand back to her side. Moving her gaze inside the apartment, Erin silently searches the living room from the entranceway.

"Erin." Will nods back, a wide smirk played across his lips. "Do you often spend your nights just standing outside of my apartment?"

Erin's eyes widen slightly. "Uh, what? N-no... no. I was just wondering if, if-"

Will lets out a deep chuckle, opening the door a little wider as he leans his hand against it, "Jay's right inside. Come on in."

Shifting from foot to foot once again, Erin swallows before nodding in response. She mumbles a quick thank you to Will before dipping bellow his hand on the door and into the apartment. Scanning the small living room once again, Erin lets her eyes travel to the open doors of the kitchen and Jay's empty bedroom before turning her attention back toward Will. "Uhh. So, where the hell is he?"

"Someone's a little impatient." Will grins back at her before shutting the door. "I just checked the stitches on his chest. I can barley get him to let me do anything to help out. Claims that he's perfectly fine." Will rolls his eyes as he continues, "he's changing his bandages now. Should be out in just a second."

"Oh." Erin frowns, shifting her gaze uncomfortably to the ground. "I didn't know he still had stitches." She adds, barley above a whisper.

Will immediately looks over to focus on Erin. He watches as she draws a random pattern into the floor with her foot. "He's fine, Erin. They should be out by the end of this week, actually."

Erin nods, planting a soft smile on her lips, one that doesn't quite reach her eyes as she replies, "It still would have been nice to know."

Will shrugs, "Probably just didn't want you to worry about him."

"He still should have told me, Will." Erin snaps back at him, a little more harshly than she intended.

As Will's eyebrows shoot up, Erin adds as nonchalantly as possible, "I'm his partner. I need to be up to date on any of his medical issues."

Will once again nods at Erin. He smiles as he takes in her stance- arms crossed tightly against her chest. A deep scowl pressed on her face. She was clearly angry with Jay for not letting her in on his current medical situation, and she was slightly angrier than a partner should be.

"Damn, Will. If you're gonna insist on playing in-house-Doctor all the damn time, you could at least pick up your shit after-" Jay's words immediately trail off as he stops in his tracks at the entrance of the living room.

"Erin...hey, hi."

Erin freezes as Jay comes into her line of sight. As she looks over at her partner, she instinctively runs her eyes over his body, focusing in on his bare chest. She lets her eyes linger on the hard lines of his abs, watching as the muscles of his stomach constrict slightly. Staring at the faint bruises scattered across his stomach, she frowns. As her eyes travel upwards, Erin soon sees the wide bandage covering the lower left side of his chest, attempting to conceal a large light yellowish-purple bruise. She grimaces before her gaze shifts to the large muscles beside the bandage, and back down to his chiseled abs, slightly more revealed than necessary due to Jay's choice in low-hanging sweatpants.

"Er?" Jay questions, snapping her attention away from his body.

"Huh?" She responds, her gaze quickly shifting to the two brothers smirking back at her.

"Sorry...uhh did you say something?" She tries again, feeling heat rush to her cheeks.

Immediately Will lets out a deep, throaty chuckle, making Erin instantly look his way. She narrows her eyes at him before Jay responds. "Yeah. I asked you what you were doing here." He smiles back before stuttering out "N-not that I'm not happy you stopped by. You're...you're always welcome to stop by."

Will's chuckle turns into a full-on laugh as he observes the awkwardness of the two partners in front of him. Erin and Jay both look over to watch as Will practically doubles over as his laughing continues. Rolling his eyes, Jay lets out a deep, annoyed sigh before sending his fist toward Will, making contact with his brother's arm.

Grunting, Will rubs the now-tender spot on his arm. "Ouch! What the hell, Jay?"

"Don't you have a shift you should actually try to be on time for?" Jay responds, glaring over at his brother.

As his eyes dart between Erin and Jay, Will nods. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I should head out." He smirks again before saying a quick goodbye to Erin and making his way out of the apartment. Jay takes the opportunity to walk the short distance into his bedroom to grab a t-shirt out of his dresser.

"So." Jay starts, throwing the shirt over his head, the grey material falling loosely around his muscular frame.

"So." Erin echoes, turning to remove her jacket as she tries to conceal the smile splayed across her lips.

"So..." Jay says once again, waking to her side to grab her jacket before she mindlessly drops it to the ground like she had done countless times before. "What's up?"

"You didn't tell me you still had stitches." Erin starts, feigning anger.

Jay raises a questioning eyebrow at her line of thought. He knows her well enough to know this isn't the reason she came over.

If Erin was being honest, she didn't even know the reason she came over. It had only been a couple weeks since she had come back to intelligence. This was the first big case that Erin had worked since she had been back, and the first big case Jay had worked since being back from his short medical leave.

After they closed the case earlier in the day, Atwater had insisted the unit head to Molly's to celebrate before stuttering a quick apology Erin's direction, being unsure if she was up for a night out. She brushed it off quickly, stating she was going to home to sleep anyways. On her way out, she heard Jay mutter an apology as he told them he was heading home for the night too. She found herself restlessly sitting on the couch after a meal with Voight and soon enough was in the car and then standing in front of Jay Halstead's apartment building.

"Yup. Six of 'em to be exact." Jay smiles back enthusiastically, bringing Erin's attention back to their current conversation.

"Huh. And you don't think that's something you should have let me know about?"

Jay's smirk grows, "Worried about me, Lindsay?"

"Don't flatter yourself, Halstead." Erin says, rolling her eyes as she rounds the corner of the couch into the living room. "I just think that's something you should have told me."

"Well, Voight knows about it. Doc signed off on it, and Will has been a complete pain in the ass about the whole thing. I'm completely fine, Erin."

Nodding, Erin searches Jay's eyes for a brief moment. "If you say so."

"Erin, I'm seriously fine." He says once again firmly.

"Huh." Erin mutters out, sitting down on the edge of the couch. Her eyes slowly travel around the room, embracing the familiarity of the simply furnished, well-organized space. Finally looking up, she whispers "I...I really just thought, well, maybe we could talk...about everything."

Jay watches her as she speaks. He observes the timid tone in her usually sturdy voice. The way her eyes scan the room, looking anywhere but back at him.

"Alright." He nods, but takes a step away from her instead of toward the couch. A step farther from where she is seated, away from the conversation she was trying to start. Immediately her eyes dart up, and her brows scrunch together in confusion.

"Do you want some water? I need to take some with my meds." He says casually, jetting his thumb toward the kitchen.

"Uhh. Sure, water sounds good."

As Jay makes his way into the kitchen, Erin once again scans her surroundings. She scoots her small frame further onto the couch, pulling her feet up to rest beneath her. As her hand skims the couch, she is reminded of nights spent curled up with Jay, her head nuzzled into the nook of his arm as he wrapped her tight in his embrace- watching the game, sharing take-out from their favorite Chinese restaurant. She runs her fingers over the soft leather, letting out a small sigh.

A small glass comes into her line of vision and she looks up to meet Jay's eyes, a subtle smile on his lips. Muttering a quick thanks, Erin accepts the glass and she takes a long gulp of the cool liquid.

Jay watches her intently before nodding once, "So... what's on your mind, Er?"

Taking a deep breath, Erin slowly exhales before whispering "Uhh. I-I guess I just want to let you know I'm-I'm really sorry. For everything."

A small, sideways smile appears on Jay's lips before quickly vanishing. Gently, he shakes his head. "You know; you don't have to do this."

"I know I don't have to. But I want to do this. I need to. I need to make sure that you know that I'm sorry for...for all of it." She says firmly.

"Alright. Then I forgive you." He states quickly, giving her a short nod for emphases.

Erin stares at her partner for a moment, intently watching as he takes a slow sip from his water. His eyes meet hers and all she can see within them is understanding. How is it that after all of the horrible things that she had done to herself, he was able to let it go so easily? After the way she treated the unit, treated Hank, treated _him?_ He acted as though everything that had happened was a distant memory instead of a recent event.

"It's not that simple, Jay." She finally responds, a hint of anger in her voice. "It can't be that simple."

Inhaling jaggedly, Jay shuts his eyes briefly, before focusing back on her. "Ok...then how is it?"

"You don't have to pretend to be understanding about all of it. You don't have to sit there and tell me you forgive me for what I did like it was nothing." Erin says harshly. Slamming her cup onto the coffee table roughly before continuing, "Don't act like you weren't pissed when I quit. Don't act like it didn't affect you. I screwed up, I know that, you know that…hell, everyone knows it!"

"Erin, it's over. You're back. That's all that matters to me." Jay states, keeping his warm eyes focused on her.

Rolling her eyes, Erin glares back over to him. The more understanding he was trying to be, the angrier it made her. How could he not hate her for what she had done? There was only so far understanding could go, and she knew if the roles were reversed, Erin would be a lot harsher toward Jay than he was being with her.

"That's bullshit, Jay." She finally says.

Bringing his forefinger and thumb to the bridge of his nose, Jay shuts his eyes momentarily. He lets in a harsh breath of air, contemplating his response. Slowly opening his eyes, he meets Erin's hard gaze, "Fine, what do you want me to say here, Erin? What would make _you_ feel better about all of this?"

"I want you to be honest with me about how you feel!" she shouts, standing from her spot on the couch in one quick movement.

"You want me to be honest, Erin?" Jay yells back, pushing himself off the couch so they're eye-to-eye. "Do you!?"

"What you did was stupid and self-destructive and every time I think about it, I get more and more pissed off. I can't understand for one second why you thought drowning yourself in booze and pills was the best way to cope with loosing Nadia!"

As his rant intensifies, Jay begins pacing the small space in his living room, and Erin's eyes focus in on his moving form. "I don't understand why you wouldn't let anyone help you! Not the unit, not Hank, not me! We all tried, and you completely shoved us to the side and chose to go back and be with Bunny instead."

Jay stops pacing the room and quickly makes his way toward Erin, standing directly in front of her. "You didn't just quit me, you quit your job. The one thing that you always said meant the world to you. Yeah, what happened to Nadia was awful, but you gave up. Instead of dealing with what happened, you ran away. So, no. No, I really don't understand it. I don't get it. And I'm not okay with it."

Erin's eyes widen, tears welling up at each word, his admittance truly shocking her. Sure, she was expecting some bitterness, but nothing like the outburst she'd just received. Especially not from Jay. As a small tear falls slowly onto her cheek, Erin hastily brushes it off before sitting down in a sudden movement. She focuses her eyes once again on the worn leather of the couch beneath her.

"I…umm. I don't know what to say." she mumbles out.

Jay stares back at her, letting the quiet etch out between them. Watching as her eyes search the soft black leather beneath her, he lets his breaths slowly even out. He examines her movements as she sluggishly traces patterns in the cushion, her gaze shifted downward. As he mentally kicks himself for completely loosing it on her, Jay listens in as Erin tries to quietly sniff away any trace of hurt and she once again wipes a fallen tear from her cheek.

Slowly, he inhales a deep breath before calmly speaking "You don't have to say anything, Erin."

Erin raises her eyes to meet his as he continues, "That's the thing Er…everything I just said, yeah I was pissed. Clearly, I still am sometimes." He adds, chuckling lightly.

"But, It's over. You came back, you got your shit together. You figured it out. And sure, it's not gonna happen overnight, but I'm here if you need me. Voight's here. The whole squad's here. Just…just actually let us help you this time."

Erin nods slowly, letting a few silent moments go before softly muttering, "W-When Nadia died, I blamed myself for it. She fought like hell to get to where she was in life, and the reason she died was because of me."

"Erin-"

"No, let me finish." She interjects, cutting off Jay before he has the chance to comfort her, "I know it doesn't make sense. I know that. It's just going to take a while for me to accept that, I guess."

Jay nods back at her. Mimicking her actions, he takes a seat on the edge of the couch, positioning himself so he's facing her. "Erin, Nadia wanted to be a cop more than anything. She was doing exactly what she wanted to be doing."

"I know that. It's just- I guess it just doesn't make sense, you know?" Taking a deep breath, Erin's eyes lock with Jay's as she continues, "Every single day we do things that put us in the line of danger. Risk our lives. And Nadia, she never even got the chance to be a cop, and somehow…" Shaking her head, she lets the sentence trail off, tears once again welling up in her eyes.

Nodding his head in silent understanding, Jay reaches his hand forward to rest on Erin's arm, gently running his fingers against her soft skin. "She would have made one hell of a cop."

"Yeah." Erin agrees, remembering her words from the memorial for Nadia a few months back. If one thing was for certain, everyone knew that Nadia would have been an amazing asset to the police force.

"Definitely a total badass." Jay adds, chuckling softly to himself.

Erin can't help the broad smile that appears on her lips. She reaches her hand out to swipe another lone tear from her cheek as she lets out a deep laugh, "Oh, she would have been a complete badass."

Looking up to meet her eyes, Jay focuses in on the sound of Erin's throaty laughter. A sound he had missed way more than he would admit to anyone over the last month. But, as he sat on the couch staring at his partner, he lets a grin pass across his lips, noting the sparkle in Erin's eye. A silent sign that she was finally feeling a little more like herself. A sign that made him believe for the first time in a few weeks that everything was actually going to work out for her.

Erin's laugh trails off as she lets her eyes settle on the room surrounding her. Taking in the décor of the room once again, her eyes scan around the space and she smiles as she notes Jay relax back against the couch and gulp down a large portion of his water.

"You, uhh, you wanna stay and watch the game?" Jay asks quietly, looking up from his drink. "Should still be able to catch the second half of the first period."

Erin's smile grows as she watches Jay. "I actually have to go." Noticing Jay's eyes drop dejectedly, she quickly adds, "Hank's been pretty tight on the rules lately. I just kinda snuck out after dinner. He's probably worried."

As his eyes meet hers, Jay's grin grows into a toothy smile, and he nods back at her. "Makes sense. Don't wanna piss Voight off."

Erin chuckles lightly, standing from her spot on the couch. As she does so, Jay sets his glass down on the small table in front of him before standing as well. As Erin makes her way toward the door, Jay quickly picks up her jacket from the spot on the armchair he had dropped it on earlier that night and reaches out to hand it to her. He lets a small smirk spread across his face as their fingers lightly brush.

"I'm really glad you stopped by tonight."

Letting her hand linger against his for a second longer than necessary before pulling away, Erin quickly pulls on her jacket. She swipes her hand across her forehead to brush away a few stray hairs before smiling back at him. "Me too. I-uhh, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?"

Grazing his teeth across his lower lip, Jay bites nervously against the soft skin. Nodding, he lets a quick grin touch his lips, his deep blue eyes sparkling intensely, "See you tomorrow, Er."

* * *

 **A/N: Hey all!** **I was kinda hoping for a talk between these two, or at least a few lines to get out their feelings about everything that went down at the end of season two/ start of season three. So, here's something I kinda went with about a talk they could have had dealing with all of that. Hope you liked it!**


	9. It felt real, like a family

Happy CPD Day everyone! Thank you to everyone who sends me reviews, it really helps to let me know you guys enjoy these one shots!

This scene takes place in 3x10, "Now I'm God"

* * *

Erin wraps her arms tightly around her knees, as she brings her legs up to rest against her chest. Repositioning herself on one cushion of the oversized sofa, she chuckles softly, watching the video lit up on the tv illuminating through the dim living room.

 _Camille and a young ten-year-old Justin stand side by side next to the island in the center of the kitchen. Her wiping flour off the side of her face as she giggles over to the young boy, widely throwing the powder out of the large mixing bowl and onto the countertop. The contents of the bowl quickly making its way onto all available surfaces and into the hair of Camille and Justin. He seems to clearly be enjoying himself as he speeds up his movements on the whisk inside the bowl and lets out a small snicker each time the ingredients from the mixing bowl fall onto the counter. From behind the camera, Hank's gruff voice can be heard shouting over to Justin, warning him of all different types of punishments and the camera begins to shake under his grip._

Erin's light chuckles turn into a fit of hysteric laughter and the screen turns black just as the camera falls to the ground and a terrified Justin takes off running from the kitchen, Voight's feet the only thing visible as they scurry after him.

As the room grows dark, Erin yawns quietly and looks over to the clock positioned directly below the tv. The time reading 12:09 am. Since the case wrapped this afternoon, Erin had opted against joining the unit at Molly's for celebratory drinks after solving the case against Dr. Reybold noting Hank's distressed appearance. She had followed him out to the garden area in front of the courthouse, just for him to quickly shut down her attempts at comforting him. As he looked between her and Jay- who stood silently beside her- he muttered a soft thank you to them both before insisting that they join the unit at Molly's.

Erin rolled her eyes at his request and let him know that she was going to be there for him, the unit could take care of themselves. She had been around when Camille was dying and she knew what Hank went through. Bringing it all back up in the case the past week, and during court today was hell for him. Learning the truth behind Camille's death was something she never expected to take place, and she knew that it was destroying him, even if he was trying to stay strong.

Muttering a quick apology to Jay, Erin told him to go spend the night at Molly's with the unit before turning her attention back to Hank. Reluctantly, Jay agreed, giving her a small nod and sideways smile before walking toward Ruzek and Atwater at the front of the building.

The rest of the day and now into the night had been spent in her old living room at the Voight's. Curled up on the couch as Hank sifted through old home movies, playing one after the other. In between movies, he and Erin would reminisce about their favorite memories together as a family.

Stretching out of her position on the couch, Erin takes a few short strides over to the tv, turning it off quickly before looking back into the dark room. She scans it as her eyes adjust to the dark space, easily finding her way in the darkness to the wall where she flicks on the main light. Only then does she notice Hank laying back, eyes flicking open at the sudden brightness of the room.

"Hey kid." He says groggily, pulling the recliner into a sitting position as he rubs his tired eyes.

Erin smiles over to him sadly, "Hey. I didn't mean to wake you."

"No, no. It's fine. I can't sleep on a damn couch all night anyways." He says, quickly waving off her apology.

She nods back to him as she makes her way over to the small coffee table. As Hank adjusts himself, Erin busies herself cleaning up the few take-out containers and throwing them into the trash next to the staircase.

"You don't have to clean up after me." He nods over to her.

Erin chuckles lightly, sitting back down on the edge of the couch. "If I didn't, the mess would still be here the next time I come over."

Hank shakes his head, clearly unamused at her attempt at a joke. "You know; you're more then welcome to stay." He says, noting her quickly shoving her feet into her black biker boots. "Your room's just the way you left it."

"I would hope so." Erin says, chuckling again. "Why would you spend your nights sleeping on a creaky, old, twin-sized mattress, when I know you have an amazing therapeutic king bed right down the hall?" she teases.

Hank rolls his eyes, standing from his spot on the recliner as he follows Erin into the small entranceway. "Thanks for coming by tonight, kid."

"Of course, Hank. There's no place I'd rather be." She smiles back at him.

Closing the distance between them, Hank pulls Erin into his chest, tightly wrapping her into his embrace. He holds her against him, silently thanking her for everything she had done to help him through the past week. Erin lets Hank hold onto her, she squeezes him in assurance before pulling back and planting a soft kiss against his cheek. "Everything you did…Camille would be so proud." She says, echoing her words from earlier in the day.

Hanks nods, giving her a soft smile in return as he lets his hands fall to his side.

Turning toward the door, Erin opens it slowly taking a step into the cold before turning back to face Hank once again. "Call me if you need anything." She says firmly.

Nodding once again, he gives her a soft smirk. "I'll be fine, kid. I think I can manage one day alone."

"I know you can, but you won't have to." Erin replies, with a wide smile on her face. "I'm taking you out for lunch tomorrow. On me."

Waving off her invitation Hank frowns back at her, "I give you a day off once in a blue moon and you wanna spend it with me? Do something fun. I don't need you checkin' up on me."

"It's just an hour, two tops. Just lunch- we can go to that diner down on West Jackson. The one that we used to go to every year for your birthday. It'll be fun."

Staring back at her, Hank notes the sparkle in Erin's eye. After a few silent moments, he nods. "Thank you."

Erin nods back to him before turning and silently making her way down the steps of the front yard, waving back at him from the doorway.

* * *

Mindlessly Jay skims through channels on his tv, stopping on the occasional cartoon before continuing to flip through them once again. The game had ended over an hour ago, and he found himself unable to sleep. After spending an hour at Molly's, he decided coming home and sitting on his couch alone was _clearly_ more fun than spending the night with his friends. Five hours later, Jay was still silently kicking himself at the decision, although not enough to head back to the bar where he knew some of the unit would still be.

Taking a long pull from his beer, Jay settles into his spot on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table in front of him. Sitting in silence, he tries focusing in on the episode of 'SpongeBob' that he had stopped on. As he takes another swig from his beer, he hears a short knock on the door behind him, followed by two slightly louder ones. Instinctively, Jay's head swings around, staring blankly at the entrance to his apartment. Looking down at his wrist, he eyes the time on his watch, reading 12:43am. As another harsh knock comes to his door, Jay stands quickly, taking another swig from his beer as he makes his way the short distance.

A large grin spreads across Jay's face as he swings the door open and is met with the soft gaze of his partner.

"Hey yo-" before he can finish his greeting, Erin closes the distance between them, wrapping her arms around Jay's neck as she plants her lips firmly against his.

Chuckling against her mouth, Jay reaches out his free hand to wrap it around Erin's waist, lifting her slightly off the ground and scooting her closer towards him so their bodies are practically molded together. Erin sighs into the kiss as she runs her fingers through his short hair and parts her lips, allowing him better access. Nibbling at her bottom lip, Jay smiles against her mouth as he hears her let out a soft sigh. As they continue, Erin lets one of her hands shift around so it's resting against the fabric of Jay's t-shirt as she racks her nails against the hard lines of his muscular chest. A deep moan leaves his throat as Jay pulls Erin tighter against him, deepening the kiss even further.

After a few moments, Erin reluctantly pulls away, breathing heavily. Looking up at him, she plants one more soft peck against his lips before finally speaking. "I missed you tonight."

Jay smiles at her, gently grabbing ahold of her hand as he sets her back on the ground. He moves her into the apartment and shuts the door behind them, guiding her toward the living room as he walks into the kitchen.

"How's Hank?" Jay asks as he grabs a beer from the fridge.

As Erin makes her way further into the apartment, she takes no time in making herself comfortable. Quickly unzipping her coat, she tosses it aimlessly into the side chair- but misses, letting it fall to a heap on the ground. Kicking off her shoes, the boots fly in opposite directions across his small living room. Sitting on the couch, Erin brings her feet up to rest on the edge of the coffee table before focusing in on the tv, only then noticing the cartoon playing across the screen. Erin can't help but to laugh at the nerdiness of her seemingly tough boyfriend.

Jay frowns as he walks back from the kitchen, taking note of the scene before him. Handing Erin the open beer bottle, Jay repeats his question. "How's Hank doing?"

Erin shrugs, taking a long pull from the frothy liquid. "Better than I expected. We watched some old videos, he talked about Camille. I think it was good for him."

As Jay listens, he silently makes his way around the room, picking up Erin's boots and partnering them back together, placing them next to the chair before reaching down and grabbing her coat, setting it down on top of the cushion.

Erin rolls her eyes as she watches Jay before continuing, "I can't imagine what he's going through right now."

Jay nods, walking over to sit on the coffee table in front of her. "He's lucky he has you."

"Yeah, I mean…I guess so." Erin shrugs, staring down at the beer in her hand. She shuts her eyes for a brief moment, silently willing away the tears threatening to fall down her face.

"Hey." Jay say, reaching his hand out to grab onto Erin's. "How are you doing?"

Opening her eyes, Erin tries to laugh off his concern, but it comes out shakier than she intends it to. Instead, she shakes her head lightly as her thoughts go back over the case.

Dr. Reybold had such a smug expression the whole time, as if he actually thought he could get away with what he had being doing to all of those women. To convince person after person that they were _dying_. That their lives were literally in his hands, and if they didn't put their trust in him completely, they would have nothing left. They spent months- some even years, hoping and praying to be cured from a cancer that they never even had. Telling their families, friends, loved ones their final goodbyes every time they went in and got the news that the chemo they never even needed in the first place wasn't working and they'd have to be given higher doses. Doses that would destroy their immune systems, damage their bodies beyond repair, and end some of their lives.

And then she lets her mind wander once again to Camille. Camille who had been in that same positon six years ago. Who had been finally given the all clear and told the cancer was all gone just to go in for a follow-up exam and find out that instead of being in remission, the cancer had spread. And Dr. Reybold was quick to tell her chemo was the best route. He got her on a plan an almost guaranteed she'd be back sitting in his office in a year with a clean bill of health- except this time it would stick. But instead, five short months later, Camille sat in a hospital bed barley hanging on. Dr. Reybold was compassionate and sympathetic as he held her hand and told Hank she'd only make it a few more days.

"Er?" Jay asks, shifting her away from her thoughts. He moves forward so he's sitting beside her on the couch, facing toward her. "Are you okay?"

After a few silent moments, Erin lifts her head to once again to meet Jay's worried gaze.

"You know, Camille hated me at first." Erin whispers into the silence, as a single tear rolls down her cheek. "She'd swear to you up and down that it wasn't true if she was here today, but she _hated_ me." Erin says as a chuckle escapes her lips.

A ghost of a smile appears on Jay's mouth as he reaches his hand out to rest on Erin's thigh. Shaking her head lightly as a grin grows across her face, Erin continues. "I was such a little shit, too. I could tell you I didn't do it on purpose, but that would be a lie. Every day I searched for new ways to test the water, almost daring Camille to do something about it. And she wanted to. Ohh she wanted to." Erin adds with a laugh, wiping a tear off her cheek.

Letting his thumb draw small patterns against Erin's leg, Jay smiles back at her before speaking. "What did Voight have to say about all of this?"

"Oh he was pissed." Erin says, chuckling. "He threatened me all the time about getting it together and being on my best-behavior and blah, blah, blah. At the time I really didn't care. I followed his rules- I got good grades, I stayed out of trouble, it just took me some time to adjust, I guess." Erin shrugs.

"Camille tried so hard to keep it together too. Every bad thing I did- and I mean I put her through hell- and she would always just say ' _Hank put his faith in you, so I will too._ ' I swear, she was a saint." Erin says, smiling at the memory. Taking a pull from her beer, she takes a deep breath, trying to calm the ache that comes along with thoughts of Camille.

"So how long until you warmed up to her?"

Erin looks over Jay, as her brows scrunch together.

"Come on, Er. I know you try to be a badass on the outside, but you're really just a big teddy bear." Jay adds with a big grin.

"Whatever!" Erin says as she swings her had out to swat Jay's arm.

Giving her a knowing look, Erin rolls her eyes before continuing, "It was a few months into me living there. Camille would do all these things for me. And I don't mean buy me stuff, or give me things. She always made me work for it. Like _really_ work for it. Gave me housework, put me in charge of laundry, made me help with dinner, find a part-time job. And I loved it."

"Really?" Jay questions, eyebrow raised high in surprise.

Erin shoots Jay a glare before noting the smirk splayed across his lips. She can't help but laugh at that. It did sound a bit ridiculous that her being the take-out queen, with an aptitude for messiness loved helping out with chores. As Jay's laughter illuminates around her, Erin smirks back to him.

"Actually, I really did love it. I never had that, you know?" Erin says, her face growing serious as her gaze shifts back to the room-temperature beer in her hand. "Someone who cared about what I did. Who actually made a point in paying attention to if I was going to school, what my grades were, when my curfew was, who my friends were. It felt real…like a family."

Jay can't help the smile that spreads across his lips and the slight ache in his heart listening to Erin's words. His thumb stills against her thigh as he inches towards her and he softly brushes his lips across her cheek.

Clearing her throat, Erin shrugs against Jay's embrace. "I just miss her."

"I know you do, Er." Jay nods in response, softly planting his lips against hers. Erin lets a small smile spread across her face as she scoots down to rest her cheek against Jay's chest. As she listens to the calm thudding of his heart, Erin lets her breaths ease, no longer feeling the dull ache. Rubbing her back, Jay sends another gentle kiss into her hairline as the two sit in silence.

"So…" Erin says enthusiastically as Jay pulls back to examine her face at the change in tone. Staring into his eyes, Erin sighs before continuing. "Tomorrow we have the day off."

Jay nods slowly, leaning back a little bit further as his eyebrow raises in suspicion at her sudden change in topic. "Yeah...I know we do. And?"

Erin shrugs innocently as she plays with the seam on Jay's t-shirt. Slowly lifting her gaze to meet his once again, she smiles. "I thought we could spend it together, if you're free?"

Jay chuckles lightly. "Erin, you don't have to ask me if I want to spend the day with you. Yes, I'm free, and I was already planning on spending the day with you."

"Good- great!" Erin corrects as she leans in and plants her lips against his for a lingering kiss. Letting her lips morph against his, Erin curls her fingers against Jay's t-shirt clad chest as Jay's hands snake out to wrap around her waist and cup her chin.

Pulling away slightly, Erin smiles widely, "Oh yeah. And, um, we're going to lunch with Hank, too." she adds against his lips before attempting to lean in for another kiss.

Jay leans back slightly as his hand fall to his side and his eyes widen in surprise. "What? No. What?" he stutters out.

"Oh come on." Erin pleads as she runs her hands down Jay's chest to rest on the hard muscles of his abs.

Jay rolls his eyes as Erin sticks her lips out in a pout and her brows droop together. Scraping her hands against the hard lines of his abs once again. "Please."

"He doesn't even like me, Er." Jay tries.

"He does too." Erin scoffs.

Letting out a deep chuckle, Jay slides both his hands to rest on Erin's hips. "The guy took every opportunity possible to let me know you were off limits, he's threatened my job more than once, not to mention that _look_ he always gives me. He tolerates me- at best."

Erin can't help the laugh that escapes her lips. "He likes you, Jay. Trust me."

"Ok. Sure, Erin." Jay says sarcastically.

"So, that mean you're going?"

Rolling his eyes again, Jay lets out a deep breath and nods as Erin inches closer, closing the gap between them once again. "Thank you." She whispers, brushing her lips against his.

Jay smiles against her lips before pulling slightly back and raising a brow at her.

"You owe me."

* * *

 **A/N: Hey everyone! This one is a little bit different then some of the others, but I wanted to focus on Jay and Hank since they both are so important to Erin. Hopefully we get to see some scenes with the three of them together in the future. I hope you enjoyed it! Please review!**


	10. I almost lost you today

Some people asked for a part 2 to "Stay with me" (Chapter 2), so here it is! So if you haven't read it, or it's been awhile, I suggest you go check it out so you know what's going on!

* * *

Four hours, fifty-seven minutes, thirty-two seconds.

That's how long it had been since Voight's gruff voice had sounded over the radio to instruct Halstead and Lindsay to move in on Perez. Five hours since Jay had heard Erin's gritty laughter illuminating through the squad car. Six hours since Erin had told Jay that he still wasn't driving, even if they were doing an undercover op on patrol for the afternoon. Seven hours since Jay had smirked across the bullpen at Erin's desk and silently chuckled at her latest bit of banter with Ruzek. Eight hours since Jay had last felt Erin's soft, warm lips against his…

Silence etches out among the members of the intelligence team in the small waiting room at Chicago Med. Burgess and Ruzek sit side by side, gripping each other's hands so tight all blood circulation is long gone. Staring silently at the ground, Ruzek's foot bounces at rapid speed against the white tile hospital floor. Olinsky sits, staring wide-eyed at Ruzek's leg, entranced by the movement as if it's the only thing keeping him from drowning in emotion. Mouse fidgets repeatedly with the coffee cup in his hand, constantly picking at the label and re-adjusting the lid. Atwater and Roman remain unmoving from their spot in corner chairs, focused in on an episode of _Friends_ muted on the small t.v. mounted against the wall.

Voight's back's pressed firmly against the cold brick of the bland hospital wall, a coffee cup clenched tightly in his hand, eyes red-rimmed with unshed tears. His gaze transfixed on the detective pacing the hall just outside of the waiting room.

The short corridor has been occupied by Jay Halstead for just over three hours now. Erin was brought in at exactly 2:04 pm. By 2:30, with the help of Mouse, Ruzek, and Will, Jay had made his way to the bathroom and hurriedly cleaned the dried blood from his hands, forearms, neck, and face. _Erin's_ blood. He had scrubbed and scrubbed until Mouse and Will dragged him from the bathroom and into an unoccupied hospital room to change into some clothes Atwater had grabbed for him.

Since then, Will had come by on four separate occasions to check in with the unit. Each time he had stopped in the hallway and tried to talk to Jay, who would just quickly brush off any kind of communication, turn the opposite direction, and continue his pacing. After Atwater had the unfortunate duty of relaying a message from Commander Fischer about paperwork that immediately needed to be done regarding the death of Ignacio Perez, Halstead had snapped. Antonio, Ruzek and Olinsky had to pull a seething Jay back before Voight bitterly stated that no paperwork was getting done until Lindsay's condition was known. Since the outburst, everyone kept their distance from Jay, letting him pace the halls in silence.

"I brought you a coffee. You need the energy."

Turning, Jay meets eyes with Antonio, a sad smile pressed on the older detective's lips. In his outstretched hand is a very large cup of steaming black coffee.

"Not interested."

Antonio sighs, "Jay, please just take it."

"No, I'm fine."

"Take the coffee." Antonio warns.

"No."

"Take the damn cup, Jay!"

Jay stares at Antonio intently for a moment before swiping the cup from his hands and turning away. He takes two quick steps into the waiting room before throwing the full cup of coffee harshly into the garbage bin leaning against the wall. At the sudden movement, everyone's gaze shifts to Jay. Sidestepping Antonio, he turns on his heels and began walking toward an empty seat in the corner of the room.

Antonio frowns, "Jay-"

"Family of Detective Erin Lindsay." Dr. Rhodes' voice breaks through the tension of the room.

Voight and Jay immediately step forward to meet Dr. Connor Rhodes in the middle of the small waiting area. Around them, members of the unit stare in silence. As Rhodes opens his mouth to speak, Will Halstead appears, obviously out of breath in the doorway and quickly makes his way to stand by Jay. Voight looks between the small group and shakes his head impatiently, "Well doc, how is she?"

Connor and Will share a small look before he proceeds, "As you are aware, Detective Lindsay had lost a lot of blood by the time she was brought in this afternoon." Rhodes sighs before continuing, "The lesser of the two bullets caused some minor internal bleeding, which we were able to stop without further damage. The other one of the bullets was much more of a problem. It had pierced her small intestine, causing it to rupture. We ended up doing an emergency small bowel resection to repair the damage. There's a risk of infection due to the spillage of intestinal fluids, so we need to keep a close eye on her for a few days."

Jay nods as he looks toward Will for confirmation, "But she's going to be okay?"

Will places a reassuring hand on Jay's shoulder, "Like Rhodes said, there was a considerable amount of damage. The risk for infection is still high, but Erin did great, all things considered. I have no reason to believe she won't make a full recovery."

Jay and Hank both let out a large sigh. Behind them, a large collective breath could be heard and the members of the unit began to cheer quietly as they took in the news.

Voight breaks through the celebration playing out behind him, speaking directly to Dr. Rhodes, "When can we see her?"

Rhodes gives a knowing smile. "Right now, actually. We just moved her to ICU, so it's immediate family only for now." Jay opens his mouth to interject before Will quickly cuts in "-which means both of you are good to head back."

Giving a silent appreciative nod toward his brother, Jay begins to follow the two doctors out of the waiting room. Voight follows directly behind, placing a hand on Jay's back and giving the detective a small smile as they neared the doors to the ICU.

As they enter the room, Dr. Rhodes quickly goes over Erin's condition once again, letting him know he'll be back to do rounds later in the night. Giving a small nod, he silently exits the room. Will gives Jay a short pat on the back before following Connor out the door. Jay's eyes scan over Erin's body- the IV's in her hand attached to the bag of fluids next to her, oxygen flowing through the tubes against her nose. He sighs, taking a seat next to the small hospital bed as Voight mirrors him on the opposite side of Erin.

For a few hours Voight and Jay sit silently, sporadically sharing small talk. Most of their thoughts revolving around Erin and her current position. Voight shifts from his spot on the chair, to the couch in the corner, occasionally leaving to grab food, or find a nurse for updated information. As the day drags on, members of the unit come in and out, each time Voight demanding that they head home. Every time they nod in agreement before returning to the small waiting area to give an update to the group and settle back in with no intention of leaving the hospital.

After another silent hour, Will makes his way into the hospital room, followed by Antonio. Will rolls his eyes as he notes Jay scrolling through his phone mindlessly, sitting in the exact same position he had been in all day and Voight laying on the couch staring under half-open eyelids at a re-run of _Full House._

"Jay." Will nods, gaining the attention of the room. "Get your ass up, you need to get some air."

Shaking his head quickly, Jay chuckles. "That's not happening."

"You've been here all day, just go take a walk for a few minutes. It'll do you some good." Antonio tries.

"No." Jay responds firmly.

"Halstead." Voight responds groggily, quickly jumping into a sitting position. "Go get some air, you haven't moved all day."

Sighing, Jay's eyes search the three men staring back at him. His gaze shifts over to watch Erin's unmoving form. He focuses in on her, watching as her chest rises and falls. "What if she wakes up and I'm not here?"

"Then we tell her where you went." Antonio nods "You're not far, she'll understand."

Jay shakes his head, "No. No, I'll wait."

"You should go, Jay." Will states, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Glaring over at him, Jay silently shakes off his comforting hand before returning his gaze to Erin.

Will frowns. "I don't mean you should leave. Go get some coffee, clear your head...just for a few minutes."

"She's not going anywhere, Jay." Antonio states, gaining his attention once again.

Reluctantly, Jay stands. He stares down at Erin once more before slowly reaching out and grabbing her hand. Lightly squeezing it, he reaches down and places a firm kiss against her knuckles.

Hank sighs, walking the short distance to the side of Erin's bed. "I'm not leaving, Halstead. Go grab some coffee, I'll be right here with her."

Nodding, Jay lets his lips linger for a moment against her skin before releasing her hand. He looks up at Voight who gives him a reassuring smile before sitting in the seat next to the bed. Jay lets a small grin pass across his lips before turning on his heels and following Will and Antonio out of the hospital room.

* * *

Taking the first opportunity of them being alone together to his advantage, Voight reaches out his hand and grasps firmly onto Erin's. "Hey kid." he sighs as he looks down at Erin. Aside from the wires, needles, machines, and hospital attire, she looked so peaceful. Her breaths evenly rising and falling as her body serenely rests and the heart monitor beside her bed steadily kept track of her heart… _beat, beat, beat…_

"Look, I know ya probably can't hear me, but I'm gonna talk anyway. You scared the shit outta me today. What happened to you…what happened to you is something I promised I would never let happen." Hank reaches his free hand out to brush it across Erin's pale cheek.

"I guess what I'm saying is, I'm sorry. You shoulda never been in that situation today, I misjudged Perez and that's on me. It's all on me." Hank sucks in a deep breath of air, desperately trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall down his face, "You did great today, kid. The surgery was good. Will said you should be ok."

Hank frowns, squeezing tightly onto her hand as a silent tear falls to his cheek. "You're gonna be ok."

The tightening of Erin's small fingers around Voight's hand brings his attention toward her immediately. Studying her face closely, he watches as her breaths become less relaxed and slightly more ridged. For a moment, Hank panics before he watches Erin's head move forward on the pillow, a small moan escaping from her lips.

"Erin?" Hank asks, watching as her eyes slowly begin to flutter open. She groans against the pillow before opening her eyes completely. As she adjusts to the brightness of the hospital room, her hand grips firmly onto his and she groggily mutters. "Hank."

"Erin."

Erin's eyes grow as panic sets in. Taking in her surroundings, she desperately searches the room and pulls her hand from Voight's before reaching down to pull at the IV in her arm, and then at the line of oxygen attached to her nose. "W-what's going on?" she rasps.

"You're in the hospital." Hank states calmly, grabbing onto her hand. "Do you remember what happened?"

Erin shakes her head, sluggishly processing Voight's words before slowly letting her eyes shut, pressing her finger to her temple. "P-per..." Her voice trails off as she rubs her hoarse throat. Quickly catching on, Hank reaches to the side of the bed, grabbing the small cub of water and brings the straw against Erin's lips. He studies her intently as she sucks down little gulps of the water, her face visibly relaxing.

After a few short moments, she pulls her face back, once again recalling the events of the day, "Perez. He…he pulled a gun. I-I was shot. And Jay...he- Jay!" her eyes widen and breath quickens "Where is he? What happened? Is he okay? Hank…what happened?" The monitor beside her bed beeps in a quick pattern before an alarm begans to sound.

"Kid, Kid! Hey, Erin!" Voight grips tightly onto Erin's hand, bringing her attention back to him. "Jay is fine. Will finally convinced him to take a break for a minute. He and Antonio went to grab a cup of joe; he should be back any minute."

Erin visibly relaxes as a nurse and Dr. Rhodes rush in. "Detective Lindsay, nice to see you awake."

Erin nods, "Yeah, thanks."

"Alright, we're going to take a look at your vitals. Check to make sure everything is how it should be."

Erin nods once again in response as the two make their way to her side. They begin working around Voight as they check to make sure her vitals are strong, and she is stable. The nurse quickly supplies Erin with new water to quench her dry throat, placing a large, full pitcher next to the bed for the night. After the examination, Dr. Rhodes smiles up at Erin as he scribbles down a few short notes onto the clipboard in front of him, "Everything looks surprisingly good, considering you were shot twice in the abdomen a little over twelve hours ago."

"Well that's reassuring" Hank replies, sarcastically.

Rhodes smirks back, "I'll be back to do rounds in a few hours. Press the call button if you need anything and your nurse will be in to help you out."

"Thanks." Erin manages.

Her eyes focus as Hank pulls up a chair to the hospital bed. Settling down, he scoots in closer to her and lays his hand back on top of hers.

"Hank, I'm fine. Go home, sleep."

Hank shakes his head, "Halstead's around here somewhere. I'll just wait until he gets back, then we'll talk."

Erin gives him a glare, "I'm a big girl, I think I can-"

A faint, familiar chuckle shifts Erin's attention to the hospital room door. Just outside, she sees Antonio, coffee cup in hand. Directly beside him stands Jay. Even from outside of the room, she can see his worn out appearance. Scruffy hair, wrinkled shirt, heavy, dark bags under his eyes. Looking at him, Erin couldn't believe it had only been twelve hours since she was first admitted into the hospital. Although he looked completely worn out, Jay had a small smile pressed to his lips, talking quietly to the detective walking beside him. As they approach the door, Jay's eyes shift from his conversation into the hospital room. Stopping mid-step, Antonio rams straight into Halstead's side.

Jay all but sprints to Erin's side as he notices her eyes transfixed on his, "Er! Holy shit! Hey! Hi…you-you're awake!"

Erin's brown eyes beam up at Jay as a wide smile spreads across her face, "Hey."

Mirroring her, Jay's face rises in an ear-to-ear, all-teeth grin. "Hey you." As he reaches the bed, Jay bends down and places a soft kiss to Erin's forehead, brushing a few stray strands of hair from her face.

Voight looks over at Antonio, who's smiling over at the couple in front of him. He gives Erin's hand one final squeeze before releasing his hold. "I'm gonna head out, I'll stop by before I head to the district tomorrow. Alright, kid?"

Erin looks up to meet his eyes and nods in response as he walks toward the door, following Antonio out. Turning her gaze back to Jay, she repeats softly, "Hey."

"How are you feeling?" Jay asks as he takes a seat carefully at the edge of the hospital bed.

Erin smirks and stares intently at Jay's face, studying the scruff on his cheeks. "A little sore...I-I feel like my stomach isn't attached to my body."

Jay chuckles softly, "Yeah that'll wear off in a few days. Thank god for hospital meds, right?"

She smiles again, focused in on Jay's mouth as he talks. Her eyes fixated on the small freckle on Jay's top lip.

Noticing Erin's dazed appearance, Jay frowns, "You alright there, Erin?"

Erin shakes her head lightly, smiling wider. "Yeah, yeah…just tired."

Jay sighs loudly, scooting further onto the bed. "You scared the hell outta me today." He says, his voice growing completely serious.

Erin grimaces as she looks at Jay's limp posture. His eyes focused on the IV in her hand. Sluggishly, she reaches out and places her hand on his. Jay takes a large breath in before exhaling sharply. Slowly, his sad deep blue eyes meet hers. "Er, I was so scared."

Erin watches as Jay's glossy eyes focus in on her face. He scans her over- once, twice- needing to know she's truly there with him. "Hey. Hey-Jay, I'm okay." She lets her fingers trace the muscles of his arm and studies his face.

"I'm so sorry, Erin." Jay says as a tear rolls down his cheek.

"For what?"

"This was my fault. This was all my fault." He shakes his head.

Erin's brows furrow, "What are you talking about?"

"I'm your partner. It's my job to have your back, I should have reacted faster." Another tear slides down his face at the admittance.

Erin frowns, feeling the tears threatening to escape her own eyes, "Jay, look at me." She grips his forearm and Jay's eyes met hers, "If you hadn't reacted as quickly as you did, I would be dead right now." She rubs her hand down her arm, squeezing his hand, "The only reason we are having this conversation is because _you're_ my partner. _You're_ the reason I'm alive."

Jays eyes widen and he shakes his head, "I almost lost you today."

"But you didn't." She reminds him, the tears finally falling watching Jay break down in front of her.

His eyes scan hers intently, "I could have."

Erin shakes her head as her hand grips his tightly, "Jay. It's okay. I'm okay." she sniffs out.

Silent tears roll down his cheeks as he picks her hand up and holds it in between his. Squeezing it tightly he examines it in his before bringing it to his lips. He presses her fingers against his mouth, placing small, light kisses against each of her knuckles before letting it linger there while he speaks against her hand, "Er... I love you so much-"

A throaty cough brings their attention away from one another. "Uhhmm, sorry to interrupt, man." Ruzek shrugs, "We can come back later..."

Jay slowly lets Erin's hand fall back to the mattress before turning his attention toward to door. Erin smiles, reaching her hand out to rest against Jay's leg, "No. It's not a problem, Ruzek. Come on in, guys."

Adam nods apologetically toward Jay before heading into the small room followed by Kim, Atwater, and Mouse.

Jay looks between them curiously, "It's like two in the morning. What are you guys still doing here?"

Atwater chuckles lightly, "Did you think we were going home without knowing how our girl was?"

"Half the 21st is roaming the halls as we speak." Mouse adds.

"Platt's in a panic, calling for updates every five minutes." Burgess laughs as she sets down a vase of flowers onto the empty side table.

Erin chuckles, "Well she'll be happy to know that I'm fine. I'll be okay." Her eyes shift between the group, "Go home, you guys. Get some rest."

Ruzek stares at the monitor by Erin's bed before turning his attention to her, "Are you sure you're okay? Is she really okay? Like nothing's wrong with her? Everything checks out? She's fine?" Ruzek asks, staring directly at Jay.

"She's-"

"Really?" Erin hisses. "I'm not dead, Ruzek! I'm sitting right here, and I have ears. Go home before I kick your ass."

Jay smirks back at Erin and watches Ruzek's shocked expression. "Damn, Lindsay! I was just checking…damn! Good luck with that, Halstead." he adds, half-sarcastically.

Kim shakes her head as she grabs Adams arm, dragging him out the door, "We're really glad you're doing so well. We'll come by and visit tomorrow!"

Atwater nods his head, following out the door, "Yeah, can't wait to have you back at work."

Mouse smiles as he pats Jay on the shoulder before trailing the groups out the door.

"And then there were two." Jay jokes turning to meet Erin's yawning face. "Tired?"

Erin nods in response.

Jay quickly stands off the edge of the bed to make his way to the small couch in the corner. Noticing Jay's absence, Erin quickly reached her hand out and grips his arm tightly. He turns and meets her eyes curiously. Erin smiles as she pats the bed beside her "I'm pretty sure this is more comfortable to sleep on, Jay. _Please_."

Jay smirks as he moves to the door quickly flicking off the light and letting the dim light of the parking lot guide him to the bed. Slowly, he climbs onto it, being careful of the wires. He sinks down onto the firm mattress, adjusting himself behind her and she cuddles into him, slightly wincing at the discomfort in her torso. Gently, Jay reaches out his hand and lightly brushes it through her hair before planting a tender kiss into her hairline. "Night, Er."

After a few silent moments Erin whispers into the dark room, "Thank you...for saving me today."

Jay nods against her shoulder, "Of course."

"Jay?" Erin asks as she interlaces their fingers and lets her eyes drift closed.

Sleepily, he responds with a quick "Hhmm?" before snuggling closer into Erin's side.

"I love you." She mumbles, letting her body fully succumb to sleep.

Jay smiles against her hair, pressing another soft kiss into her hairline, "I love you, too."

* * *

 **A/N: So after starting this one, I quickly realized I could go on and on about hospital scenes with Jay, Erin, Hank, and the rest of the unit. I tried to shorten it up, but it still came out pretty lengthy, anyways hope you enjoyed it! Please review!**


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